In Chapter 1 of “Blue Like Jazz,” Donald Miller discusses guilt and happiness. The specific section that stood out to me says, “I realized, late that night, that other people had feelings and fears and that my interactions with them actually meant something, that I could make them happy or sad in the way that I associated with them. Not only could I make them happy or sad, but I was responsible for the way I interacted with them. I suddenly felt responsible. I was supposed to make them happy. I was not supposed to make them sad.”


Aren’t both happiness and sadness a choice? I think they might be, at least to a certain degree.


I was brought up with the mantra “happiness is a choice.” I’m currently reminding my daughter almost daily to “choose glad, not sad.” She recently read the book “Pollyanna” and found that she could relate to the choice of glad over sad, even though sometimes she finds it more challenging to apply.


Let me first say, I don’t disagree with Miller’s ideas (as quoted above) as a whole. I think that we are absolutely responsible for our actions, words, and interactions with others. I think it’s certainly preferable to strive to make others happy versus sad. However, I do take slight exception with the word “responsible” – because I don’t believe we’re “responsible” for another’s happiness or sadness. We’re responsible for our own behaviors – and I definitely believe we should strive to reflect Christ in our choices. However, I don’t believe we’re responsible for how others choose to react to our behavior.


If I’m responsible for my own happiness, logically that would also require that others are responsible for their own happiness.


In subsequent chapters, Miller speaks about being narcissistic. I submit that guilt is a very narcissistic feeling. Not from a legal, “You’re guilty” type of away, but from the perspective of feeling responsible for another’s happiness. Frankly, that “guilt” assumes that you have entirely more power than you do.


Certainly, if you’ve blatantly acted against another, feeling guilty for that poor behavior is probably a good thing. (I should also add that in that case, it’s probably best to admit your wrong doing and ask forgiveness from the person you’ve offended.) However, to feel solely responsible for a person’s happiness is slightly arrogant. In doing so, there’s an absolute potential for elevating one’s importance to a level that’s not real. Conversely, it also discounts the amount of grace one assumes the other person is willing to extend.


During December, our pastor did a series about unwrapping various feelings associated with Christmas. One of these was Joy / Happiness. Our pastor talked about the dictionary definition of happiness, which includes this description: “results from the possession or attainment of what one considers good.” While there’s more to the definition, this snippet suggests that happiness or joy is situational. That would be great if life were perfect.

Guess what. It’s not.


I think we need to use the tools God has given us to create situations for ourselves that make it easier to choose joy; likewise, interact with others that make it easier for them to choose joy. However, we’re not always going to be in a perfect situation. We’re not always going to be in the possession of things considered to be good. In fact, we’re going to be dealt our fair share of disappointments and heartache.


Such is life.


However, therein lies our challenge. Our challenge is to choose joy anyway.


I understand the common feedback – how do you choose joy when life is crumbling around you? I submit that true joy goes much deeper than the surface. We can easily paste a smile on our face and pretend that things are peachy. However, I believe that true joy goes much deeper. I believe that true joy requires us to adopt God’s perspective, believe “that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). It requires us to believe that when our life is out of control, God is in control.

Trusting that promise requires faith.


In faith, we can find pure joy. Not circumstantial joy. Not fleeting joy. Not a flash of happiness. But a lasting, peaceful joy that permeates our life.


I’m not sure this at all reflected Chapter 1 of “Blue Like Jazz” – but it’s the rabbit hole my thoughts went down with the excerpt that stuck out to me.