Have you ever felt like you're living and doing exactly what you're supposed to be living and doing?

I don't mean that your life is easy. I don't mean there is never any challenge or stress. I don't mean that everything is going your way.

I do mean that you feel perfectly content and at peace with where you're at, because you feel God placed you right there. Right now. "For such a time as this."

That's how I feel right now. It's an amazing feeling.

We really feel like every place we've lived (7 states, 9 zip codes/residences, 14 years), every church we've been a part of, every experience we've had.... has led us to right here where we are.

State 1: The start of us. The figuring out what we want, what our goals are, our foundation.

State 2: Our "church" here was at Jon's work. Jon worked with troubled and troubling youth in a residential setting. The facility had a church on campus - one of the most beautiful campuses and chapels I've ever experienced. It was here that we saw the authenticity of worship, the creativity of youth, and the pure joy and freedom experienced by those who have been extended grace. These kids are "the worst of the worst" according to society, many of whom commited terrible crimes. Yet they worshipped together, wrote the services, led the songs - every Sunday was so amazing. Grace abounds.

State 3: This is the first church where we I experienced a true "teaching" Pastor. He made the Bible come alive. I took copious notes each Sunday, bought sermon series on tape (yes, just dated myself -- cassette tape). I eagerly looked forward to each Sunday, to learning, to growing. He had an incredible gift for providing context to scripture, setting the history, and bringing it right back to the present. It was an incredible faith growing time for me.

State 4: We found our "family" at this church. Small group became an essential part of life. We'd participated in small groups before, but it really just felt like bible study versus a close personal relationship with them. Our small group this time around became our closest most trusted friends. It's now 7 years behind us, and they're still our closest friends and receive us as family with each visit. We knew that moving forward, small groups had to remain essential as we set up new homes.

State 5: We struggled in this state on many levels. It was a challenging and "dry" season in many ways. Despite that, it was also a time when I experienced immediate and obvious response to prayer over and over and over again. I was so grateful that God made Himself very obvious to me in a time that was full of doubt, loneliness, and challenges. As always, He proved Himself faithful. The lessons I learned about prayer during this time were invaluable.

State 6: This was our most trying state. Our most challenging time. It was full of stress, "wandering," loneliness. Yet we learned some very important things there, too. We will never again take for granted a strong church family. For 3 years, we church-hunted, but in the middle of the Bible belt, failed to find a church home. We were unable to find a small group. Our church life was lacking and it left a huge, sad hole in both of us. Despite that, what we experienced fully there was a new perspective on "the least of these." The non-profit world in that community was amazing. The community as a whole was very giving, charity-minded, and focused on serving. It broadened our perspective on how to serve, and convicted us even more strongly on the importance of not only our service, but also making that opportunity available to our kids.

State 7: Here we are now. Our sweet spot. As I've said before, we prayed about where we should go to church, and the church we were led to is pastored by a man who mentored under our pastor from State 3. Amazing. Historically we've visited churches where the pastor was good, but the worship or small groups were lacking. Or the small groups were consistent but the music was terrible and the pastor just mediocre. Or in some cases, the pastor wasn't right for us at all. We struggled to find a church where all the pieces fit together for us. Caveat to all of that -- we're a "consumer" society and too often we shop churches like we do groceries -- what can THEY do for ME instead asking how WE can serve THEM. But that's a completely different topic....

Anyway... so the pastor is awesome here. He's completely authentic. He speaks Truth. He teaches - provides the historical context of the Biblical passages and applies it to today. He's as imperfect as the rest of it and is amazed by the grace that we all receive. The messages always resonate. The music is seriously top-notch (very loud, too, but that's fine with us). The children's ministry is thriving. The small group network is alive and growing. And we're serving. Wow, the fire for serving here -- "the least of these" -- tutoring at an inner city school (we have 150+ tutors), extreme home makeovers and yard crashing takes place annually also in the inner city, building backpacks for an entire elementary school, filling stockings for an entire elementary school, festivals to outreach to the community. More important: a staff with a vision to spread the Gospel of Christ to the city. We've just scratched the surface, and the ideas just keep coming.

It's so incredible to be a part of the movement. The peace that comes from living in "the sweet spot" of where Christ would have us - a huge blessing.

My prayer is that my eyes, my heart, my ears remain open to the Word of the Lord so that I can move where He sends me. I kinda like it here... I'd like to stay. :)

Why are we always surprised when God shows up big?

We know He can.

We know He does.

For me, I think the surprise comes not from God showing up big, but because He has allowed me to witness it. The “big” moments I always attribute to someone else. I always seem to hear about them, but not experience them.

Lately, I’ve been so incredibly blessed to experience them.

We began attending our new church the weekend after we moved to our new city. It was an instant “fit” and we felt fortunate to find it. It was as if God was saying, “You’re going to have some challenges, but I’ll give you a church and you’ll feel My presence there. Know that I’m with you through it.”

Easter 2011 came shortly after we moved. The Easter service kicked off a “Be Audacious” series, speaking of having Audacious Faith – believing that God will do what He promises, trusting for Him to do amazing things. During that series, Pastor Paul spoke about our sphere of influence. At one service, he had us all write the names of people with whom we associate – family, friends, co-workers, students, baristas.  We each daily touch the lives of multiple people.

From that list, from that Sunday, our church of 500 came up with a list of 5400 people within our “Sphere of Influence.”

And that became our number: 5400.

It was announced that for Easter 2012, we would be renting out the biggest, most visible, most well-known park in the city. And we would be praying for the rest of the year for the 5400 people who would join us – after all, that is the quantity in our sphere of influence.

At the beginning of the Easter season, we were surprised to enter into a dark church – nothing on stage, no band – just a lone guitar and he was joined by an Easter Bunny…who happened to be our pastor! (Yikes!) The “Unexpected” series teaser was upon us.

That very day, 3 charter busses were waiting out back and the entire church loaded up the bus, watched a pre-recorded video sermon from the pastor, and we drove to the park where our Easter service would be held. That day we walked and prayed through the park, writing the names of those in our sphere of influence on pieces of bark scattered in the flower beds throughout the park.

Four weeks later was Easter. No one really knew what to expect. We had been praying for 5400, but would that become reality?

God showed up. Why were we surprised?

And of course, God being God, He had to show us that we could have believed for even more. Not only did 5400 people show up – over 5600 people showed up!

Unexpected.

That was the title of the series that kicked off on Easter Sunday. What an amazing thing to be a part of.

The "Unexpected" series concluded yesterday, Sunday, May 6, with the most powerful and amazing and mind-blowing service I’ve ever witnessed. I’m still absolutely in awe. I even broke out my least favorite word because it’s so overused. But it was very much appropriate to describe yesterday.

EPIC.

Yesterday morning was a top-secret, “unexpected” service. People came into church as they normally do, only the windows were black, so no one could sneak a peek.

Our church is pretty untraditional (but biblically spot on), and instead of a baptismal font, we have a huge swimming pool that we use for baptisms typically twice per year. Our baptisms are usually announced well in advance so people can prepare themselves, invite family and friends, bring a change of clothes, etc. We just had a baptism on Palm Sunday. No one was expecting to walk into church to see the baptismal pool.

Yet there it was.

Pastor Paul preached from Acts 8 about Phillip and the Ethiopian eunuch explaining the passage from Isaiah that he was reading. As their carriage rode through the desert, they came upon water, and in verse 36, the eunuch said to Phillip “Look, here is water. What can stand in the way of my being baptized?”

And with that, Pastor Paul jumped from the stage into the pool. Clothes and all.

He proceeded to remove all the barriers and excuses that people may have for why they shouldn’t get baptized that very moment:
- No change of dry clothes? Well no problem, we’ve got a shirt, shorts, and even undergarments for you to change into.
- Concerned about your hair? We’ve got combs, ponytail holders, detangler spray, and hairspray.
- Make up may run? Baby wipes are in each restroom and will clean you right up!
- No stink stop? Well we’ve even got spray on deodorant for you.

As Pastor Paul is explaining all of this during the first service, one man climbs the ladder and jumps in the pool – jeans, shirt, leather shoes and all. Even Pastor Paul was blown away! Another man followed that one – 2 people in their street clothes didn’t even wait for their change of clothes.

At the first service, 31 people “took the plunge,” publically declared their faith, and were baptized into Christ.

The church had planned for 40, so they had to make an emergency store run to restock supplies between services! What an incredible “problem” to have!

During the second service, 21 more people were “buried with him through baptism, and raised to live a new way of life through Jesus Christ.” -- 52 people in total.

Absolutely amazing, awesome, incredible, humbling, powerful, moving – amazing day!

Amazing God.

At church on Sunday, our pastor asked us to list the 5 things that impacted our lives in 2011. He then challenged us that they could propel us – either for the good or the bad – if we let them.

I reflected on the top 5 things that impacted my 2011. As I did, I realized that I had a pretty awesome year. The negative things that I did go through in 2011 (don’t we all?) were all but forgotten, and certainly worth the final outcome.

1) The Move. We tend to move a lot. I’d like for that trend to stop. This move has been AMAZING for us in so many ways – we love our church, our neighborhood, our friends, the kids schools, our jobs, the weather. There’s really nothing bad we can say about the move. Moves are never easy and almost always stressful – this is where much of the “negative” came in last year. However, the ultimate outcome was absolutely worth the price – even though we wish we didn’t have to pay it!


2) House Guests. Our brother-in-law took a 6 month job overseas. Because of where they lived, he’d basically only get to his family (Jon’s sister and their 3 kids) see them at Christmas. Their family consists of a 5 year old, 2 year old, and 7 month old. Having done the “work travel” gig, we know it’s no fun. Adding a new born to the mix makes it even more challenging. Because we live only a short plane ride from where he’s working, we offered for them to live with us during his 6 month stint. We have a “guest house” of sorts, but share laundry and kitchen facilities. They moved in the very same day we closed on our house. Needless to say, our life has been chaotic! It has also been a huge blessing – we’ve had a chance to get to know Jon’s sister better, get to know her family. The kids have always wanted to have family close. Not only that, but I’ve learned a lot about myself – two women in the kitchen can cause for a lot of introspection and growth! We’ve got about a month left of this living situation, and while there have certainly been challenges, we’re thankful we had the opportunity to host them.


3) New Church. In our last location, we spent 3 years church hunting. It was a miserable, empty, lonely feeling. We never found one where we felt we belonged. In the previous 3 moves, we found churches we really enjoyed, we loved Sunday mornings, loved the “family” we formed at our church, and really felt like we were growing in our walk with Christ and with each other. I won’t sugar coat it – the last 3 years have been some of the darkest in our walk with Christ and with each other. We feel now like that fog has lifted. After having gone without, we have a new appreciation for our church, love the people, love to serve, and can’t wait to continue that growth.


4) Small Groups / New Friends. Similar to missing church, we missed the Small Groups. We have been immensely blessed in our Small Groups in the past – they are very much as close as family to us. This is another thing that we have not had in the past 3 years and left a gaping hole in our lives. We have joined small groups and have met wonderful new friends through these groups. In fact, just this weekend, Jon texted a friend giving him the heads up that he was using his name as a reference. The return text invited us to dinner that very evening. Jon responded that dinner was already on the stove, but did they want to join us. It was a very impromptu, non-fancy dinner – and it meant the world to us. To fellowship over leftovers – not much is sweeter. I’m thankful to have friends like that again – that don’t require plans, but enjoy drop-ins.


5) Running. I’ve taken up running again. Something about living in a place that always hovers in the 70s-80s makes you want to eat and live healthier. For me, fitness and happiness are kind of a never-ending cycle – I need one to have the other. I discovered this past fall as I trained for a half marathon that when I run, everything works better – my attitude is better, which makes my relationships better, which makes my eating habits better, which makes me sleep better. I mentioned in a previous post that we are responsible for choosing happiness, choosing joy. In doing that, I think it’s important to understand the situations where it’s easiest to choose joy – and do what we can to plug in to those situations!


So what will I carry with me into 2012, and what will I cast off as lessons learned?


The move is behind me. I’ll cast off the negatives that were associated with it and dwell on everything that we love about our new home.


My sister-in-law’s 6 month stint is nearly complete. I’ll wish them Godspeed on their next endeavor, and apply the lessons I learned about myself in hopes of making me a more tolerable person. OK, maybe that’s a bit overstated – but unfortunately I did learn more about my negative qualities than my positive ones – things I definitely need to make strides to change in myself.


I absolutely plan to continue with our new church, and in doing so plan to become more involved in service.


Ditto small groups. When our travel schedule lets down, we’d also like to lead one. Maybe just host one for the short term? The friendships associated with them I’m holding onto like a lifeline (without suffocating the friends, that is). I’m better at acquaintances than friendships – and I need to keep working on that.


Running. My next big race is another half at the end of March. I figure if I keep paying the fee, I’ve got to keep running so as not to waste money! My head knows that it makes me happy… but my sleepy eyes don’t want to get out of bed! We’ll get there…


And I wonder what else? As he closed the sermon, he told us to stop asking God What If? And instead ask Why Not? With an Almighty God charting my course, Why Not? Anything is possible?

What great things will He lead me to and through in 2012 if I allow it? If I keep my mind and heart open to His call? I need to not doubt by asking “what if?” but instead look forward eagerly by asking, “Why not?!”

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Phil 4:13

In Chapter 1 of “Blue Like Jazz,” Donald Miller discusses guilt and happiness. The specific section that stood out to me says, “I realized, late that night, that other people had feelings and fears and that my interactions with them actually meant something, that I could make them happy or sad in the way that I associated with them. Not only could I make them happy or sad, but I was responsible for the way I interacted with them. I suddenly felt responsible. I was supposed to make them happy. I was not supposed to make them sad.”


Aren’t both happiness and sadness a choice? I think they might be, at least to a certain degree.


I was brought up with the mantra “happiness is a choice.” I’m currently reminding my daughter almost daily to “choose glad, not sad.” She recently read the book “Pollyanna” and found that she could relate to the choice of glad over sad, even though sometimes she finds it more challenging to apply.


Let me first say, I don’t disagree with Miller’s ideas (as quoted above) as a whole. I think that we are absolutely responsible for our actions, words, and interactions with others. I think it’s certainly preferable to strive to make others happy versus sad. However, I do take slight exception with the word “responsible” – because I don’t believe we’re “responsible” for another’s happiness or sadness. We’re responsible for our own behaviors – and I definitely believe we should strive to reflect Christ in our choices. However, I don’t believe we’re responsible for how others choose to react to our behavior.


If I’m responsible for my own happiness, logically that would also require that others are responsible for their own happiness.


In subsequent chapters, Miller speaks about being narcissistic. I submit that guilt is a very narcissistic feeling. Not from a legal, “You’re guilty” type of away, but from the perspective of feeling responsible for another’s happiness. Frankly, that “guilt” assumes that you have entirely more power than you do.


Certainly, if you’ve blatantly acted against another, feeling guilty for that poor behavior is probably a good thing. (I should also add that in that case, it’s probably best to admit your wrong doing and ask forgiveness from the person you’ve offended.) However, to feel solely responsible for a person’s happiness is slightly arrogant. In doing so, there’s an absolute potential for elevating one’s importance to a level that’s not real. Conversely, it also discounts the amount of grace one assumes the other person is willing to extend.


During December, our pastor did a series about unwrapping various feelings associated with Christmas. One of these was Joy / Happiness. Our pastor talked about the dictionary definition of happiness, which includes this description: “results from the possession or attainment of what one considers good.” While there’s more to the definition, this snippet suggests that happiness or joy is situational. That would be great if life were perfect.

Guess what. It’s not.


I think we need to use the tools God has given us to create situations for ourselves that make it easier to choose joy; likewise, interact with others that make it easier for them to choose joy. However, we’re not always going to be in a perfect situation. We’re not always going to be in the possession of things considered to be good. In fact, we’re going to be dealt our fair share of disappointments and heartache.


Such is life.


However, therein lies our challenge. Our challenge is to choose joy anyway.


I understand the common feedback – how do you choose joy when life is crumbling around you? I submit that true joy goes much deeper than the surface. We can easily paste a smile on our face and pretend that things are peachy. However, I believe that true joy goes much deeper. I believe that true joy requires us to adopt God’s perspective, believe “that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). It requires us to believe that when our life is out of control, God is in control.

Trusting that promise requires faith.


In faith, we can find pure joy. Not circumstantial joy. Not fleeting joy. Not a flash of happiness. But a lasting, peaceful joy that permeates our life.


I’m not sure this at all reflected Chapter 1 of “Blue Like Jazz” – but it’s the rabbit hole my thoughts went down with the excerpt that stuck out to me.

As the New Year rolled around, Jon and I began talking about things we wanted to do more intentionally. One of them is read / Bible Study. To that end, we just purchased a book by Donald Miller called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: How I Learned to Live a Better Story." He wrote the book, "Blue Like Jazz," which Jon really enjoyed and which I intend to read. As we read the book and discuss it together, I hope that we can uncover ways that we can "live a better story" as a individuals, a couple, and as a family.

For Christmas, I received a book from my sister-in-law. One afternoon the kids were out front swinging, so I brought my book out to read it on the front steps. Amara came up to me and said, "Mom, I didn't know that you liked to read books." She adores reading; a passion I want to encourage. Similar to my purpose in running -- to set a good example for the kids -- I need to follow that mantra with books as well. I do love to read -- I just haven't taken the time to do it in over a decade.

Boy... write it like that and it seems like an eternity!

In my journey to live a better story, there are a few things I hope to do...

1) Journal it. I've never been much of a journaler or a writer -- however, I do believe that there's power in the written word. If you write it, you do it. I hope/plan to write and/or blog as I do each of the items below.

2) Bible Study and Christian Reading - I want to read more books, but I want them to be books with a purpose. I want them to be encouraging, inspirational, and challenging of my status quo. I want to become a better person because of the books that I read. That said, I need to also focus on personal Bible Study, not using books, no matter how Christian, to take the place of the Bible.

3) Date Nights - I want to be more intentional about Date Nights both with Jon as well as with each child. I have some willing participants at church who would be willing to do a "child swap." I need to pursue that more intentionally so that we each can benefit from date nights at least once a month. For each child, we've begun a list of things we'd like to do together - some free, some cheap, some a bit more of a splurge. I did a couple "date days" with my daughter over Christmas, which were really more like errands, but they meant the world to her. I need to be intentional about spending one-on-one time with each of them.

4) Eating and Exercise - During October and November last year, I was very intentional about eating and exercising as I prepared to run a Half Marathon. I felt great about my finish, my performance, and the impact it had on how my clothes fit. :) However, like in the past, once I was done, I stopped being intentional. I've signed up for another race in March, and I've got to recapture the efforts both in my eating and my exercising. This is not only a great example for the kids, but I know it pleases Jon, and I feel so much better about myself and life in general when I'm taking good care of myself! Not to mention, my vitals are improved -- when I took our company's health assessment, my bad cholesterol was so low it didn't register (I have had high cholesterol in the past), and the assessor said he'd never seen such strong numbers! (Of course... he may have just been telling me that to make me feel good!)

5) Relationships - At our New Year's Day church service, we were challenged to pray over one area of our life where we could stand some work, and ask God to help us improve. I wrote down the broad category of relationships. Starting with God; my relationship with Jesus Christ is sometimes pretty one-sided.... and I'm not talking about me putting forth the effort. I know He's always there, but I'm often lax and don't show up. This also will include my relationship with Jon. We did a small group called "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" last semester and really were surprised by some of the thing we learned about each other, and also were shown ways to be more intentional about the "little things" so that we could live life more smoothly. My relationship with my kids is probably the most "solid" on a day to day basis because they're still young - while I anticipate those relationships to become rocky through the teen years, I also know that the best way to minimize that is to invest the time now -- hence the date nights. And finally, relationships with friends -- I've always had a lot of acquaintences, but not a lot of friends. I'm good at keeping people at a distance, because I've convinced myself that if they knew the "true me" they wouldn't like me. Get behind me satan - that's not a lie worth believing. It's a lie that leads to loneliness. In our new home, new church, I've met some wonderful people who I believe will become great friends. I need to be intentional in those relationships to nurture the friendships.

So how does this all look on the blog?

Honestly... I have no idea.

I'm really not feeling the pull to blog right now, and in my mind, I kind of prefer the crude paper / pen approach. I'm not sure though, because typing is so much easier and faster. So it may be a bit of both.

At this point, I'm leaning on "If you write it, you do it" -- so here it is.

That... and my friend Reese told me to blog again. :)

We'll see where it goes from here!