Why are we always surprised when God shows up big?

We know He can.

We know He does.

For me, I think the surprise comes not from God showing up big, but because He has allowed me to witness it. The “big” moments I always attribute to someone else. I always seem to hear about them, but not experience them.

Lately, I’ve been so incredibly blessed to experience them.

We began attending our new church the weekend after we moved to our new city. It was an instant “fit” and we felt fortunate to find it. It was as if God was saying, “You’re going to have some challenges, but I’ll give you a church and you’ll feel My presence there. Know that I’m with you through it.”

Easter 2011 came shortly after we moved. The Easter service kicked off a “Be Audacious” series, speaking of having Audacious Faith – believing that God will do what He promises, trusting for Him to do amazing things. During that series, Pastor Paul spoke about our sphere of influence. At one service, he had us all write the names of people with whom we associate – family, friends, co-workers, students, baristas.  We each daily touch the lives of multiple people.

From that list, from that Sunday, our church of 500 came up with a list of 5400 people within our “Sphere of Influence.”

And that became our number: 5400.

It was announced that for Easter 2012, we would be renting out the biggest, most visible, most well-known park in the city. And we would be praying for the rest of the year for the 5400 people who would join us – after all, that is the quantity in our sphere of influence.

At the beginning of the Easter season, we were surprised to enter into a dark church – nothing on stage, no band – just a lone guitar and he was joined by an Easter Bunny…who happened to be our pastor! (Yikes!) The “Unexpected” series teaser was upon us.

That very day, 3 charter busses were waiting out back and the entire church loaded up the bus, watched a pre-recorded video sermon from the pastor, and we drove to the park where our Easter service would be held. That day we walked and prayed through the park, writing the names of those in our sphere of influence on pieces of bark scattered in the flower beds throughout the park.

Four weeks later was Easter. No one really knew what to expect. We had been praying for 5400, but would that become reality?

God showed up. Why were we surprised?

And of course, God being God, He had to show us that we could have believed for even more. Not only did 5400 people show up – over 5600 people showed up!

Unexpected.

That was the title of the series that kicked off on Easter Sunday. What an amazing thing to be a part of.

The "Unexpected" series concluded yesterday, Sunday, May 6, with the most powerful and amazing and mind-blowing service I’ve ever witnessed. I’m still absolutely in awe. I even broke out my least favorite word because it’s so overused. But it was very much appropriate to describe yesterday.

EPIC.

Yesterday morning was a top-secret, “unexpected” service. People came into church as they normally do, only the windows were black, so no one could sneak a peek.

Our church is pretty untraditional (but biblically spot on), and instead of a baptismal font, we have a huge swimming pool that we use for baptisms typically twice per year. Our baptisms are usually announced well in advance so people can prepare themselves, invite family and friends, bring a change of clothes, etc. We just had a baptism on Palm Sunday. No one was expecting to walk into church to see the baptismal pool.

Yet there it was.

Pastor Paul preached from Acts 8 about Phillip and the Ethiopian eunuch explaining the passage from Isaiah that he was reading. As their carriage rode through the desert, they came upon water, and in verse 36, the eunuch said to Phillip “Look, here is water. What can stand in the way of my being baptized?”

And with that, Pastor Paul jumped from the stage into the pool. Clothes and all.

He proceeded to remove all the barriers and excuses that people may have for why they shouldn’t get baptized that very moment:
- No change of dry clothes? Well no problem, we’ve got a shirt, shorts, and even undergarments for you to change into.
- Concerned about your hair? We’ve got combs, ponytail holders, detangler spray, and hairspray.
- Make up may run? Baby wipes are in each restroom and will clean you right up!
- No stink stop? Well we’ve even got spray on deodorant for you.

As Pastor Paul is explaining all of this during the first service, one man climbs the ladder and jumps in the pool – jeans, shirt, leather shoes and all. Even Pastor Paul was blown away! Another man followed that one – 2 people in their street clothes didn’t even wait for their change of clothes.

At the first service, 31 people “took the plunge,” publically declared their faith, and were baptized into Christ.

The church had planned for 40, so they had to make an emergency store run to restock supplies between services! What an incredible “problem” to have!

During the second service, 21 more people were “buried with him through baptism, and raised to live a new way of life through Jesus Christ.” -- 52 people in total.

Absolutely amazing, awesome, incredible, humbling, powerful, moving – amazing day!

Amazing God.

Last night Jon and I were invited to a dinner party whose purpose was to consider the global orphan crisis. There were people from all over our area in attendance, some of whom I knew, others of whom I didn't know. The common thread was that all of the people in attendance have been called to serve and have a love for God and what He calls us to do.

And what does God call us to do? In fact, quite a lot, and here are a few examples:

Psalm 82:3 "Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy."

Psalm 10:17-18 "You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more."

Matthew 25:31-36 "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'"

Isaiah 1:17 "Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow."

We are surrounded by several friends and acquaintances who have been called to adopt from countries such as Haiti and Ethiopia -- countries where the orphan crisis is staggering. At this point, we are not feeling called to adopt, but we are absolutely feeling called to do something. And that's why we were at the dinner last night.

Chris Marlow was the guest speaker for the night. He is from Austin, TX, and is the Director of Help End Local Poverty. This organization has a division specifically focused on Haiti, with their initiative "We Have Not Forgotten."

I wish I'd have taken notes as Chris shared his testimony. Some of the things he said rocked me. I won't remember the countries he visited, but I'll do my best to recount some of his stories.

As he visited one devastated country, a young boy, about 10 years old, approached him and apologized for the state of his country. He then proceeded to say he didn't want to beg for food, but hasn't eaten in 3 days and could he please work for it? Imagine the devastation Chris must have felt as he had to tell the boy no because he didn't have any, and the grocery stores literally did not have any food on their shelves?

Can you imagine that? No food on a grocery store shelf? Because of how this country was set up (I think it was Zimbabwe), they had to get groceries from a neighboring country, and if that neighboring country didn't deliver, they were out of luck. And the inflation and cost was a ridiculous number I can't even begin to fathom. But to turn away a child in such away -- wrecked. I can't imagine.

In another country, he visited with a family whose father had been killed in a natural disaster. He was a pastor, and the church crumbled as he was preaching. His family watched him get buried by the rubble. The family was surviving on $1 a day. That alone is mind-blowing to me. A visiting pastor with a seminary degree (i.e. not a business degree) wrote up a business plan. He hooked up local women with someone to teach them how to make and sell purses. That family is now living on $8 per day. When asked how she feels about the change, her response was that she feels rich.

Wow! Rich on $8 a day. Here, we complain if we only make $8 an hour. I will grant you that things in the US cost money, and it would be nearly impossible to survive in the US on $8 a day. But the stark contrast is again mind-blowing. I may not be able to survive here on $8 per day, but certainly I can survive on less than I currently am.

Following the earthquake in Haiti, he visited the country. He visited with a young girl who lost both of her parents in the devastation. The person who was leading him through the country commented that the little girl had no hope. He asked why. The response was that she'd be raped at least 3 or 4 times before she's age 18. Tears immediately sprung to my eyes at that statement. They also commented that Haiti really is no different now than it was immediately following the earthquake. There's still so much devastation and work left to do. We are being begged to not forget Haiti. If we've been, we've been asked to return. If we haven't been, we've been asked to go. Or help others go, as not all of us are able to go.

A couple weeks ago we went to a going away party for a local couple who is serving for 6 months in Haiti. I introduced you to them about a month ago. When we were at their going away party, Jon sent both kids with some money to them, and told them to say, "Thank you for serving in Haiti for us -- while we're unable to go, thank you for going." I know they were prompted, but the message is the same.

On Saturday, we were shopping and there was a food bank outside of the grocery store collecting cans. As an FYI, food banks, homeless shelters, non profits in general, get crazy-low in the summer because people "forget" to help. It's easy for them to raise money, obtain donations, etc, during Thanksgiving and Christmas, but it's pretty lean during the summer months. Anyway, the food bank was collecting. So as we bought our groceries, I purchased an extra bag of canned goods for the kids to donate. When we went outside, I had Dominic give the bag to the workers. They applauded. I was SO tickled that they showed their appreciation in that way -- that they made a big deal out of his donation to illustrate the importance of doing so. What struck me, however, was that Amara asked why they clapped. She has grown pretty accustomed to giving, that she doesn't see it as out of the ordinary. She sees it as just something that you do, rather than something that deserves applause.

Back to last night, and the purpose for the title of this blog post.

In another country Chris visited, they brought a bunch of food to a pastor at a church. Upon delivery, they asked how long it would last, and were told a couple weeks. They were visibly disappointed that it wouldn't last longer. I wish I could remember the exact words, but essentially the pastor said, "You American's. Always pursuing the American Dream and needing to know the answers so far out. Where's the faith the God will provide for today? God not only provided for today, but for a couple weeks!"

That was very sobering to me.

We're so focused on future planning, keeping up with the Jones's, wearing nice clothes and shoes, providing the best for our kids, investing for the future. And I'm not suggesting we DON'T do those things. But at the same time, sometimes in doing those things, we're taking all the control upon ourselves and trusting God for nothing.

The American Dream, in many ways, is self-serving and self-reliant. God calls us to serve others and be reliant upon Him. There's a huge disconnect for me with the American Dream and God's calling. I know I've not been reliant enough upon God. I know I've been selfish and controlling, determining to accomplish things on my own.

I may be living the American Dream... but is it's God's dream for me?

I'm not sure yet what direction we'll move. I know that in his job, Jon's challenged with these ideas daily. I'm thankful for that. I'm also thankful that his job provides me opportunities to immerse myself in those ideas. In the corporate world it's very easy to get sucked into all things material -- and I don't want that.

So we'll see what's next. I don't know when, I don't know how, I don't know what it looks like. But I want to be open to what God has in store.

It all started several months ago. Amara would wake frequently with bad dreams. We have a Veggie Tales book that says, "God is bigger than the boogie man," so I tried to use that as a reference.

I told her that God is bigger than the monsters in her dreams.

I told her that the monsters are afraid of God, and they're afraid of her, too.

I told her to tell those monsters to scram and leave her alone.

Oh... and I told her there's no such thing as monsters anyway. Why is it that line of logic never works?

Over the next few nights, weeks, and months, those comments turned to prayers. The prayers were for God to clear her head of all the bad and help her think of only good things, only pure things, only happy things.

And she slept.

On the night before his birthday, Dominic came sobbing into our room at about 3am. I asked him what was the matter. He cried, "Mommy, I need you to pray for me." I asked what for? He said, "For Jesus to take all the scary thoughts from my head."

My heart melted right there. I hugged my little guy close, stroked is soft fuzzy head, and prayed for the Lord of his heart to clear his mind to sleep soundly and peacefully.

With each prayer I offer with the kids, I follow it with one of my own, "Lord, please answer this prayer so that they can see You, so that they can feel You, so they can know You."

On the morning of his birthday, the two kids met in the hallway. Amara told Dominic she dreamed of his birthday and all the fun they'd have. Dominic responded, "Oh yeah, well Jesus gave me lots of great things to dream about."

Again my heart swelled. I whispered a prayer of thanks to Jesus for answering their prayer, for showing Himself to my children.

That relationship they have now. That tangibility that they feel. The conversations that they have with Jesus at the drop of a hat as if He's right next to them -- because He is.

Isaiah 11:6 "A little child shall lead them..."
Matthew 18:3 "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven." (Mark 10:15) (Luke 18:17)
Matthew 18:4 "Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, "Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Mark 10:14) (Luke 18:16)

Is there any doubt how much Christ cares for His children? Before our children were born, we committed them back to the Lord. They are His children; we've been entrusted them. But they are His.

My prayer is that the relationship that they have with Jesus right now continues to grow. It is so strong right now, so real, so tangible, so innocent and pure. The part of me that knows the world knows that their faith will likely be shaken several times over throughout the course of their life. But the bigger part of my cries out to my Savior asking for their little hearts and minds to continue to be molded and shaped by Him and for Him. I pray that He gives me wisdom to lead them and to point to Him.

Acts 13:33 "that God has fulfilled this promise to our children in that He raised up Jesus, as it is also written in the second Psalm, 'YOU ARE MY SON; TODAY I HAVE BEGOTTEN YOU.'"

1 John 4:4 "You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world."

I feel as if I've talked in circles and not properly expressed how important these prayers, these overheard conversations, and God's responses have been to me. It's quite amazing and humbling to watch your child's faith literally bloom and develop before your eyes. I could feel myself choking up as I tried to explain it to my Mom, and even as I type, I feel the tightening of my throat.

At this point in my life, this is my most important purpose: to show them Christ. My prayer is that they know Him, love Him, and serve Him with all their heart, soul, and mind.

I'll close with the camp song I've recently been reintroduced to. When I was a camp counselor we closed every campfire with this song. I believe it was written by our director at the time, Layne Nelson. The words and melody were poignant then, but have since taken on a new and deeper meaning as I insert my children's names and pray it over them each night.

"May the Spirit of God descend upon this place. Keep us safe inside Your arms; fill us with Your grace. Put love deep within our hearts and peace within our souls. Guide us wherever we may go, for You are in control. Sing alleluia! Alleluia! And guide us wherever we may go so we may humbly serve You."

Meet Josh.

I first met him through my husband. My husband met him when he came to volunteer at his place of work. We go to church with him.

His is a story of hope, of redemption, of restoration... of what God can do if you allow him to.

Google this: josh sarhan cross -- and keep googling it.

He's walking a cross around the country -- he left on February 17 and intends to walk as long as God tells him to. If you see a man walking on a highway near you carrying a cross -- pull over and hear his story.

And tell him hi from us.

Go meet Josh.

I promise you won't regret it.

I've got a question for you all....

What's your favorite Bible? Why?

I have an FCA Bible I got at a basketball camp in 10th grade. And I like that one OK, but it's not really a study bible.

I have a "Spirit Filled Life" NKJV Bible that I think is my favorite, but I misplaced it when we moved and I haven't been able to find it.

I have a Women's Study Bible (I think NASB), that I really don't care for -- I think because it makes assumptions and over-generalizations with the little devotions within. I bought it as a replacement for the Spirit Filled Life, but have returned to my old FCA Bible instead, leaving this Women's Study Bible virtually untouched.

I'm planning to purchase another Bible -- probably a Study Bible. I'm thinking that I'll probably buy the updated Spirit Filled Life NKJV Bible -- unless someone has a raving recommendation for another one.

This morning on my way into work, I was listening to Christian radio, per usual. The DJ read this article in between songs - reflecting on Easter. I thought it was SO powerful.

You can read it in its entirety here (I pulled an excerpt):
The Comma
written by Jonathan Acuff

I’m talking about the “comma of grace.”

I found it in Luke 22. In that chapter, Jesus is being led away. He is headed to the cross. A million prophecies are coming true and chaos is breaking out a little amongst disciples that up to this point have sworn to serve until death. In the midst of that, he pulls Simon aside because he knows that Simon will soon betray him.

He says to Simon in Luke 22:31-32:

“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.”

And then, he drops the 9 words that I can’t write about enough. The 9 words that I often turn to when I’ve failed and messed up again and feel hopelessly undeserving of hope.

Jesus tells Simon:

“And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

Do you see what Jesus is saying in that first half of the sentence, And when you have turned back? He’s saying:

You are going to fail.

You are going to fall.

You are going to lose it.

You are going to make commitments and break them.

You are not going to always be the man you family needs.

You are going to sin.

But, but, but, you will turn back.

You will come back. You will know redemption. You will know return. You will know a God that not only allows the “comeback” but actually celebrates it.

When I read the phrase “And when you have turned back,” I read a loud, wild picture of what grace really looks like.

And then, if you go too fast, you’ll miss the comma. You’ll miss the gap that sits quietly between the next thought. You’ll miss it because like me, you might misread the second half of that sentence.

Here’s what it says:

“And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

But here’s how we write it sometimes:

“And when you have turned back, repent for a long time and stay a long way from me until you are clean enough to return to my presence.”

“And when you have turned back, please stay far away from any ministry opportunities. You are too broken to help other people. How can you minister to others when your own life is so messed up?

“And when you have turned back, here are the 57 things you need to do in order to earn back my good favor.”

But Christ doesn’t do that! He drops a comma like a grenade.

He gives us the gift of the comma and then asks us to strengthen our brothers. Not beat ourselves with emotional whips. Or lay in a hole of shame. Or stay to the shadows of church afraid to be seen.

He wants you. In his arms. By his side. Surrendered and free in his presence.

Not because you deserve it or have earned it or are perfect.

Because of Easter.

That’s it.

We all get the comma of grace.

I am SO grateful for that comma of grace. I'm so grateful for Christ's redemptive love for me. I'm ashamed that I don't always offer that same love to others.

Lord as you've given me your grace, also fill me up with it so that I may offer it to others. Amen

In the portion of “Same Kind of Different as Me” that I read last night, Denver was describing Miss Debbie as a shooting star. He talked about people who often burn brightly, but too suddenly disappear.

I smiled.

I have had a thing for stars for a long time.

Perhaps it stems from growing up in South Dakota, with its wide open skies, untainted by city lights, tall buildings, and pollutions. The stars in South Dakota somehow seem to shine more brightly, more frequently, and they seem to go on for ever.

Genesis 15:5 "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them."

I think it was during my first summer working at NeSoDak Bible Camp where my love for stars really hit me. Every week on the last night of camp, I took my cabin of girls out to the dock and we all laid on our backs and looked up at the stars, far too numerous to count. Inevitably, we would see falling stars, and we’d all gasp and point together. As we laid there on our backs in the beautiful summer night, I would share the following thoughts that I had gathered together about how stars are kind of like God.

Have you ever stopped to consider the stars? How often do you pause to look up?

Sometimes stars are burning so brightly, so brilliantly, that it almost seems like daylight. You stand in awe at their brilliance and gasp at their beauty.

Sometimes stars are hidden by clouds or bad weather.

Sometimes the tall city buildings and bright city lights overpower the stars – or seem to from our limited view from down here.

And sometimes we just plain forget to look up.

Did you notice that God is kind of like that?

Sometimes our walk with Him is so close, so intense, that the brightness is overwhelming. We see Him clearly. The vastness of His world is crisp and clear before you. You feel as if you could reach out and touch Him, and that you’re a part of His massive plan.

Sometimes we go through troubling times where clouds and storms are in abundance. It feels as if He’s left you. There’s little, if any, light shining through.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our life, and the glitz and glamour that it might offer. We’re enticed by “the shiny things” that fame and fortune and success might offer. We’re unable to see God, because we’re enamored by things of this world.

And sometimes we’re so caught up in living our little ol’ life that we simply forget to look Up and acknowledge why our life is so blessed in the first place.

Yet despite our attitudes, despite our situation, despite our attention or faithlessness – God, like the stars, is always there. He’s always shining brightly waiting for us to look up. He’s shining faithfully despite the clouds or bright lights that threaten to block Him from our view.

He’s always there.

We just need to look Up.

It has taken me a little longer than the rest of the Bloomers, but here we are at the end of the book. The Crux of the Matter, if you will. So what then is the Crux of the Matter?

Here's how I see it.

OBEDIENCE

"If you love me, you will obey what I command." John 14:15

It's both as easy and as challenging as that.

On the very first page, Chan writes about us being paralyzed by the "waiting" -- waiting to hear God speak, waiting to hear His will, waiting for Him to tell us what to do, where to go. I'm guilty of that myself...especially if it's something that puts me out of my comfort zone. In those situations, I find myself asking, "God, is that where you would have me be?" And if I were being honest, I probably already know the answer, but am trying to avoid it.

The fact of the matter is: God DID tell us what to do. We shouldn't be waiting for Him to tell us specifically, when in the Bible, he told us ALL to help those less fortunate. I won't list all of the passages here, but they are many. If you'd like to read them, check out this link.

"Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." Isaiah 1:17

There is no question that God calls His followers to help those less fortunate. HOW we are called to help them may be unique to each of us, but the fact that we are told to help them is universal.

"If you love me, you will obey what I command." John 14:15

My Bible Study leader really challenged us with that verse. The word IF is a big one, despite being only 2 letters long. IF we love God, we WILL obey him. We don't have to go against His word to disobey -- a simple inaction is disobedience. Inaction is disobedience -- and therefore we are not showing any love toward God. Sobering, isn't it? My slothful, lazy state definitely does not honor God, nor does it reflect my love for Him.

Crazy Love talked a lot about selling everything, downsizing, doing the radical -- things that strike fear in many of us (myself included). However, on page 166, Chan writes, "perhaps God wants you to work harder at your job and be His witness there. Perhaps He wants you to stay put and open your eyes to the needs of your neighbors."

This is where I find myself, and likely where many of you do, too. As I was cleaning my house in preparation for Christmas company, I was reflecting a lot on how I could serve others. I had been lamenting for the past couple years that I wasn't in service to anyone currently -- that I really wanted to serve through the church, but I wanted to serve with Jon and with the kids. The "problem" is that Jon's job is a service job. He serves people daily, and feels that to be his God-calling. And it is! What struck me as I cleaned is that perhaps the reason I was unable to "serve" through church is that I'm not currently serving my family with a joyful heart. I clean begrudgingly and inconsistently. I cook because we have to eat, therefore it's uncreative and not nearly as healthy as any of us would like. I sleep in whenever I can, and rely heavily on those in my family to take care of things. My service challenge is to serve my family - to do a better, more consistent job of taking care of the cooking, cleaning, and needs of my family. Once I get my priorities back in order, I believe that God will place other service opportunities in my path. For now, I feel strongly he's telling me to serve my family and support my husband as He follows God's command in meeting the needs of the homeless and near-homeless in our community. Just because I'm not on the "front lines" of service doesn't mean that I'm not helping to serve them.

"If you love me, you will obey what I command." John 14:15

How do I know what God commands? By reading His word. I can praise and worship all day every day, but unless I spend time in His word, getting to KNOW Him, I will not know what He commands. As Christians, we have been given the incredible gift of the indwelling Holy Spirit, who provides us with knowledge and understanding. Every day I must pray that the Holy Spirit fill me, that I'm aware of and seeking His guidance.

I leave you with the lyrics to an old hymn, Trust and Obey (as sung by Big Daddy Weave if you want to listen).

When we walk with the Lord in the light of his word, what a glory he sheds on our way! While we do his good will, he abides with us still, and with all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share, but our toil he doth richly repay; not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross, but is blest if we trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

But we never can prove the delights of his love until all on the altar we lay; for the favor he shows, for the joy he bestows, are for them who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at his feet, or we'll walk by his side in the way; what he says we will do, where he sends we will go; never fear, only trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Before I even start my new topic, I'm going to acknowledge that I still have one chapter left to read and blog about from Crazy Love. (Whew... there, I said it...)

Now that's out of the way...

The next Bloom Book Club book is called "Same Kind of Different as Me."

I'll admit, my first reaction to the choice was lukewarm. While I enjoy reading, I don't make time for it... at all. And I wanted the book choices to be more bible study based -- this one, at first glance, doesn't really appear to me. I haven't opened the cover yet, so I'll reserve judgement.

That said... after looking into it a bit, it seems to be a very compelling topic. It also seems to be a topic that hits VERY close to home.

So close to home, in fact, that yesterday when I was in Jon's office, I saw the book sitting on his desk. I grabbed it, walked it out to the other room and said, "Excuse me, did you steal my book?" He said, "No, Pam loaned it to me; she thought I'd enjoy it."

He didn't even realize I had ordered it.

But you see how close to home it hits? So close that Jon's board of directors knows that it's a topic close to his heart. Even better for me -- we can read it together as I read it with the Bloom ladies!

The Bloom discussion begins in January, so it's not too late to join us! Please do!

You may notice that the last post on Crazy Love was quite some time ago. Admittedly, I kind of bailed on the book. I read the first couple of pages of this chapter and thought, “this is going to be all about selling everything you own and going overseas to do mission work in 3rd world countries.”

I really struggled with that. Something interrupted my start of the chapter (probably one of my children needing something), and I never picked it back up.

My initial reaction was that not everyone needs to “make headlines” with how they serve. The story of the starfish came to mind – how by tossing the starfish back into the water, the author “made a difference to that one.” Sometimes it’s the little things that make the big difference in a person’s life. We should be called to that – not the fame that comes with some of the more glitzy missions.

Then I finished the chapter.

Oops.

I was wrong. I pre-judged. I thought I knew where the book was going, but I didn’t.
Had I read even one more page, I’d have read Chan’s words, “yet he died quietly, without a lot of attention; no one really knew about him.” It’s as if Chan knew that people would get all defensive like I did and challenge that it’s not all about fame.

On that note, I was humbled and my attitude changed – so let’s dig into the chapter.

There are many people listed in the chapter. Some I’ve heard about, most I have not. Some really struck me as I read, and those are the ones I’d like to share with you.

Simpson Rebbavarapu was orphaned at around the age of four and was never named during those four years by his birth parents. In fact, his mother tried twice to abort him: once with herbs, and once by going to a doctor (who didn’t show up that day). Those are the facts, these are my speculations: there was no doubt in Simpson’s mind that his parents didn’t want him. Can you imagine that? The hurt. The inadequacy. The lack of self-confidence or self-esteem. I simply can’t imagine how that would feel.

Jon used to work with troubled youth. Many of those were born into families that “didn’t want them.” Many were product of rape. Many were suicidal and violent toward others because they were unwanted themselves and had no self worth. It’s heartbreaking to hear their stories, see the pain in their eyes, and acknowledge the terrible choices they make in their lives, their quest to be significant somehow.

Yet Simpson was different. Chan writes, “Simpson believes that God has always had His hand on his life, because if it had been up to his mother, he would never have been born.” Oh, if only all "unwanted children" could feel that way. God loves each and every one of us, and he makes NO mistakes! We are all perfectly formed in His image and can be used as instruments of His love and peace if only we make ourselves available to Him.

Jamie Lang’s story is similar, except that she adopted a young child born to an HIV positive mother. Late term in her pregnancy, the child’s mother took a morning after pill to abort the child, but it cause pre-term delivery. Due to this, little bleeding occurred, which allowed the child to be born HIV free, and he is a healthy child, now adopted by Jamie Lang. As Chan writes, “What was intended to end his life, God used to save it.” Aren’t you so thankful that God’s ways are not our own? His sovereignty, His power, His grace, His love…. How many things in our life has He used to save us, that would have otherwise harmed us? I suspect that they are many more numerous than I can begin to imagine.

I loved the story of Rings. Rings is a homeless man who is a smoker, an ex-con, an ex-addict, and an ex-alcoholic. He lives out of his truck, but from the checks he does receive, he uses it all to purchase food at the local grocery story and brings it to fellow homeless people. As he prepares the food, he shares the gospel.

What makes this story so interesting to me is that I’ve met “Rings.” His name wasn’t really Rings, his name is Mark Horvath, but the story is similar. My husband is the executive director of our local homeless shelter. During an event to raise awareness earlier this year, Mark came as the guest speaker. Mark is a former homeless person who has come to Christ. This year he has made it his mission to travel around the country filming Invisible.TV – a project that gives homeless people a name. He has interviewed hundreds of homeless people, allowing them to share their story, raising awareness about the problem, and challenging others to get involved and help.

If you want to help the homeless, here’s a great resource listing 35 ways you can help. My husband also said that one thing homeless people really appreciate (especially if you’re not comfortable giving money) is a new pair of socks. Think of it – they likely have one pair. That one pair goes through rain, snow, mud, several days of walking. You know how warm and fuzzy a new pair of socks feel to you – now imagine a new pair after wearing the same pair for 30 days.

If you're looking for ways to help those in your community, check out what some of our friends here are doing with Cobblestone Project, an organization they started to help those less fortunate. Lots of these ideas can be replicated throughout your communities as well. It really just takes a desire to serve, meet people's needs, and be obedient to God.

Anyway, I’m getting off on a tangent not at all related to the book!

So…back to the book.

The Robynson Family had a great tradition whereby they would make a hot breakfast on Christmas morning and bring it downtown to serve the homeless. I love this tradition. I love how the family serves together – this is absolutely what Jon and I are trying to teach our kids. Serving others is such a powerful witness, and truly you get as much (more!) as you give when you’re serving.

I do have a challenge though: don’t wait for Christmas.

Christmas is great and all. It’s a wonderful time to give and share. However, it’s also one of the easiest times for service agencies to get donations and help. I’m not saying DON’T serve at Christmas. I’m saying don’t JUST serve at Christmas. The need is all around us 365 days of the year. Meet it.

By the end of the chapter, as I mentioned, my attitude was changed. However, I still stand by a small portion of my original thoughts – they’ve just been slightly realigned.

I believe that it’s not important to “give it all away” and follow God. I believe that it’s essential to be obedient to God. If He tells you to give it all away, by all means, go with it – He will not only guide, but He will provide absolutely everything you need. Obedience is the key. Don’t just pick a cause and run with it, seek God’s will, His guidance, and let Him use you in ways you’ve never imagined. You can do good on your own, you can even make a difference on your own. But with God leading you, giving you strength, giving you provisions beyond what you could ever do yourself…. Well… as Chan says, “you, too, can live a life worth writing about.”

After all, that’s what made these people noteworthy – their obedience to Christ led them to things that would have otherwise been impossible.

Now that’s some Crazy Love.

I really enjoyed this chapter. The previous chapters all had me wrestling with a lot of things: how I can better serve God, how I can better serve others, am I being obedient, etc. This chapter helped me really identify those key areas and ask somewhat imposing questions of myself.

The challenge: how honest with myself am I willing to be?

The bigger challenge: what will I do about it?

I essentially used Chan's descriptions of what a person obsessed with God looks like, and I asked myself if that was a reflection of me. Join me in asking and answering the questions for yourself.

Do you give freely and openly? Do you love those who "hate" or challenge you and have no capacity to love you back?

My first reaction is of course! I'm a loving, giving, caring person. And that's true in many ways. But in considering my actions, I'm very selective about how I dole out my love, my generosity, my care. Is it love or pity that I extend to those less fortunate? And probably, it's some of both.

For me, and probably for many of you as well, it's much easier to love those less fortunate than it is to love those who have wronged you or someone you love.

I find that self-righteous anger on behalf of someone gets me every time!

A friend of ours was sharing a story about how her dad had been a faithful servant of a church for many, many, many years as assistant pastor, specifically in caring for the sick, bereaved, and elderly. He was approaching retirement, but to hear the actions of the people, how they tried to slander him and effectively push him out of the church (i.e. laying him off), then bringing him in front of the congregation to honor him and thank him for all his years of service, congratulating him on his retirement, all the while knowing that he really had no intention of retiring yet.

I scarcely know the man, but the anger and indignance I felt on his behalf was causing me to see red and spout off all sorts of things that I'd have done instead to prove that he wasn't the person he was being painted to be.

Yet his actions were to humbly stand by, pray for grace, and move on, realizing that these people were not acting in Christ's love and to stay there was poisonous anyway. His actions were so glorifying of God that I found myself deeply respecting the man, but also ashamed by my own reaction.

How often do we try to prove ourselves to others who simply aren't worthy rather than letting go and letting God?

In Romans 12:17-19, we are told, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord."

Had my friend's father defended himself certainly no one would have thought him wrong for doing so... but we aren't called to do what's right in the eyes of the court of popular opinion. We're called to do what's right in the eyes of God.

Are you concerned with your personal safety and comfort?

Unfortunately, the older I get (and the more out of shape I get), the more my answer is 'yes' -- I'm far too concerned with my personal safety. Not so much comfort perhaps, but safety. Would you believe Jon's had a motorcycle for 4 years and I've not once taken a ride with him? That said, I don't fear death, I fear leaving my kids. The thought of them living their life without me or without Jon is gut-wrenching. At the same time, I have got to stop living my life in fear that they will lose me -- or I'll deprive both myself and them of amazing experiences in this life!

Do you connect with the poor in some way?

I eluded to this a bit in my last post. I really enjoy serving. The amount of money I make or don't make has never been of huge importance to me. To be completely honest, I couldn't tell you exactly what my salary is -- I can ballpark it, but I've no idea the exact figure.

That said... I don't serve right now nearly as much as I'd like to. Nor do I serve as much as I'd like for my kids to. My husband runs a homeless center, so HE serves through his job. And part of my serving the homeless comes inherently in offering my free services for designing tools for his agency to use, as well as supporting his odd hours and stressed out evenings. But again... that's more indirect serving of the poor than really getting down and dirty amongst them. Putting a name to their face. Showing them that I value them and that God loves them. I don't do that as much as I'd like.

We've got a very unique living situation in our community. Not us specifically, but the whole community. We're what's known around here as a "vendor community" -- lots of big companies have their employees living in our general area. As a result, I've never lived in a place that's so charity focused. Every weekend there's at least one cause holding an event of some sort, and usually there are multiple. While that's good in many, many ways, it's also somewhat of a challenge. There are lots of "popular" big name charities that easily get the support. Then there are littler charities that truly need the support that don't get them because the support goes to the "popular" charities. Also, while people are out and about volunteering and supporting the cause (our family is always ALL there volunteering when my company sponsors an event), much of the actual "sacrifice" comes on behalf of the company. Admittedly that could very well be more speculation than truth -- but for every charity event I've worked in the last 2 years (approximately 12 events), I've freely given my time -- but nothing more. Not to discount the giving of time... but could I have been giving more? Certainly!

I also must add that it's simply not POSSIBLE to give everywhere. So I challenge you as I challenge myself -- find where God wants you to give. And then give with abandon. And give glory to God.

Do you consider service a burden?

As I mentioned before, I really enjoy serving. I find that when I've finished, I may have just "received" as much as those I was serving. Your inner cup is filled to overflowing with acts of service.

When I worked at Bible Camp, the sign on the door INSIDE the staff quarters (i.e. the door going to the outside) said, "Servants Entrance." I loved that sign. We should all be entering the world as servings and seeking opportunities to serve others.

My problem with serving lately is that I serve when it's convenient. And that's a box I need to get myself out of. I've allowed serving to be a burden if it intrudes on my family time or when I'm already particularly bogged down with other things. In having that attitude, I've become selfish and I fail to acknowledge all the blessings God has given to me. Again, I'm not discounting the need to refresh -- but I also assert that sometimes refreshing comes from serving.

Have you ever served so hard you thought you'd collapse out of sheer exhaustion -- but felt you had the energy and exhuberance to run a marathon? I need to get back to that place. It's a wonderful place to be!

Are you a giver or a taker? Do you think of others before yourself?

I just may be a waffler on this one. I do believe that generally speaking I think of others and am a giver. But as with how I serve -- sometimes I'm picky about who I place before myself and how I give. I know I don't carte blanche think of others first or give.

My Mom had all these little wonderful sayings she taught me growing up. Some were original, others I'm sure were passed to her from someone else. And frankly, I'm not sure which are which, so you'll just have to forgive my improper accreditation! :) But one that she always told me was JOY - the way to truly have JOY was to use those letters as a reminder of your priorities. Jesus. Others. You. To truly be happy, Jesus must be put first. But you should be self-sacrificing and put others before yourself. The road of selfishness is a lonely one.

Do you think more about heaven or the here and now.

Wow. Easy answer. But not one I'm proud of. I think of the here and now. I don't know that I think of heaven very frequently at all. Certainly when songs about heaven come on. And I do think about and talk to Jesus frequently. But my thoughts are more centralized on what He does here. I need to work on that one.

Does your love for God come above and before every other thing and being?

My answer is yes, absolutely it does. However, I don't know that my actions and words would always illustrate that to others. And frankly, if my actions and words don't reflect my love for God -- that's another area I need to spend some time and prayer on.

Are you "raw" with God, or do you mask your shortcomings?

I think growing up knowing that God knows it all allowed me to never really hide things from God. That said, I've done some pretty good convincing of myself that perhaps a sin wasn't that bad, and therefore it went unconfessed for a long time. However, I don't think I have to get all fancied up before God -- I think I show Him my imperfections.

Are you in a daily intimate relationship with God.

I'm so thankful that relationships are a process and that God has my heart. I pray that the Holy Spirit works in my heart that I may love Him more and grow closer and closer in my relationship with Him. While I have a relationship with God, it's not as strong, as close, as intimate as I'd like for it to be. I confess I don't daily make time for God. I involve myself in Bible Study and book clubs such as this one so that I can provide myself more discipline and have accountability partners. Certainly those methods of fellowship help. But I know that God deserves more of me, and I'm striving to continue to grow in my love for Him. Additionally, I'm striving to plant that seed of love in my children, so that they desire a strong and intimate relationship with the Lord as well.

Is your joy based in circumstances and environment or do you believe it's a gift that must be chosen and cultivated?

This is another of my Mom-isms that I grew up with: my Mom continually told us (and still does to this day), "Happiness is a choice." You must choose to be happy despite the situation. Now certainly that doesn't mean giddy smiles at inappropriate times. But knowing that "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose," (Romans 8:28) should give us peace and hope in times of trouble and strife. The happiness we choose is much, much deeper than the result of temporary circumstances.

The last few years have been some of the more stressful ones of my life as both home and work responsibilities have increased (i.e. we had kids and I received promotions). All are blessings, all are gifts from God. But I have had times where I've struggled with how to balance it all and maintain my priorities in my life. I have had to cut things out of my life that I didn't necessarily want to cut out (and need to figure out how to work back in -- i.e. working out!). There have been many days when I haven't chosen happiness, and when I've instead opted to give into my stress.

What a short sighted and self-destructive decision! I still struggle with that. I daily remind myself that God has blessed me immensely, that giving into stress is a selfish response, choosing joy, choosing happiness, is the only healthy response there is -- for both me and my family. And certainly, it's the only response that brings glory to God.

Do you know that you will never be able to repay the Savior for what He has done for you, so therefore the best way you can thank Him is to be faithful and obedient in every aspect of your life?

The gift of our Lord and Savior just blows me away. The fact that God requires us simply to accept the gift of His Son just absolutely blows me away. The fact that He doesn't require us to complete X number of steps, courses, or chartiable hours to be worthy of His gift is humbling. And knowing that even if we did all that, we'd still not be worthy.... wow. All he asks of us is our obedience. Yet... why is that so hard to give Him?

At Bible Study Monday night, our leader was sharing a story of when her son was a young boy. He was being wayward, as young boys can be. *grin* After scolding him, he sheepishly approached her with puppy dog eyes and said, "But Mommy, I LOVE you!" Her response was, "If you LOVE me, MIND me."

She said that the instant the words came out of her month she was stopped dead in her tracks by God saying, "Exactly! If you LOVE me, MIND me."

Why is it such an easy and important lesson for us to teach to our kids... but such a challenging one to follow ourselves?

Heavenly Father, I love you. I want to grow more in love with you, I want to learn more about you, I want my heart to be bursting with that love. Lord, I want to serve on your behalf. I want others to see you through my words and actions. Lord, work in my heart in such a way that I find it impossible to disobey you. Provide me opportunities to show my love and desire to serve you, and help me to be obedient in those opportunities. Amen.

I have to say, I struggled more with this chapter than with Chapters 4 and 5, which were all about our shortcomings.

It's always been (too) easy for me to list my faults and chastize myself for them. I'm quick to point out reasons why I can't or shouldn't.

You see, I hate to fail.

I'm a huge people-pleaser, which means I'd rather point out my faults before someone else notices them and points them out to me. It is inevidable, after all! Unfortunately, while I'm quick to point out my shortcomings, I'm also quick to poo-poo my strengths. I compare them against others who are stronger. Or I compare them pridefully against those who are weaker -- neither alternative is particularly flattering.

Along with hating to fail, I also hate to take risks. They kind of go hand in hand. I'm more of a control freak of my well-being and success than I'd like to be. If I don't think I'll succeed, I simply won't try, or I'll laugh it off as something I don't care about (i.e. golfing).

Unfortunately, God wants risk takers, not control freaks. He doesn't want us to control our own lives, He wants us to surrender control to Him. He wants us to give our all, not just a half-hearted effort so that we can make excuses at the end saying, "Oh, but I wasn't really trying."

So the chapters about lukewarm and leftovers were not easy, but were things that I already tell myself. This chapter -- about what a sold-out Christian ought to be doing, was much harder for me. During this chapter, I was forced to acknowledge that in pretty much all of the mentioned areas, I've failed to put myself out there. I've neglected to take risks. I've set up my life to be cushy, controlled, and comfortable, not completely reliant upon God.

Don't get me wrong -- I do completely have faith in God.

Yet... in many ways I've set up my life so that I've never truly had to rely on that faith. We invest, we save, we purchase wisely, we carry no debt (other than mortgage), etc., etc., etc. We're both first borns: we're "responsible planners." ...or something like that!

This thought on page 114 struck me:
"These people were far from perfect [Samson, Moses, David, Noah Rahab], yet they had faith in a God who was able to come through in seeminly dire situations." This line of thinking went on to say that Noah spent 120 years building the ark and warning others about the impending judgement.

120 YEARS.

Yet, if I have to wait 120 minutes, a mere 2 hours, I'm incredibly impatient!

Page 116 was very humbling and eye-opening to me, "When you pray, your prayers are heard by the same God who answered Moses' prayer for water in the desert, the God who gave Abraham and his barren wife a son, and the God who made the slave Joseph second in power only to Pharaoh."

Of course, I realize that I'm praying to the same God, which is humbling. But the eye-opening part is how I limit God by my prayers. Some of the things I ask Him for must make Him say, "Come on - that's an easy one. Ask me something that requires faith. Ask me for something that will show to others that I'm at work, because it's something only I can do."

Question for you: How often do you use the word "just" when you pray? Lord, just help us to sleep well. Lord, I just ask that you be with my Grandmother.

The definition of "just" is: "only or merely." Perhaps it's our way of sounding humble... but if that's ONLY what we're asking, are we not limiting God in what we're asking? If we ask for JUST a certain thing, what if He wanted to give us abundantly more?

That question was posted to me a few years back, and I'm acutely aware of the word "just" in prayers now -- mine and others. Let God be powerful in your life -- don't restrict His might in your life by your words.

The questions on page 117 were questions that gave me pause to consider my answers. "Are you ready and willing to make yourself nothing? To take the very nature of a servant? To be obedient unto death?" I'd like to say yes to all of the questions. And I believe that in my heart, I do say yes. However, I also feel like I'm kind of sitting here waiting for God to tell me what He'd have me do, rather than seeking out opportunities to prove my actions match my words.

This line of thinking is continued on page 118 with Matthew 25:45, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." Chan goes on to say, "Basically, Christ is connecting the command to 'love God' with the command to 'love your neighbor.' By loving 'the least of these,' we are loving God Himself."

Over the past couple weeks, I had one conversation (with a couple fellow Bloomers) about serving, as well as listened to Aaron Ivey speak and sing about serving the poor and needy. In my conversation we talked about whether we should serve in church (long term) where there's a need or where God has called us. We referred to "I am the vine, you are the branches" and talked about being most fruitful and productive if we're plugged-in in places where God would have us to be. We also acknowledged that short term, sometimes there's a need that simply must be met, but for long term church service, we're most beneficial being plugged in where God wants us.

That was somewhat contrasted by Aaron Ivey, and I'm completely paraphrasing him, because I wasn't prepared to take notes that night. He was talking about their life immediately after adopting their first child. They were considering what they would do next, if the timing to adopt another was right, if they should wait until the funds were raised etc. But God plopped another adoption opportunity in their lap. As they asked Him whether they should go this way or that way, His respose was essentially, "Meet the need."

If you see a need, meet a need.

Now granted, the conversations were vastly different. One talked of serving in a church. The other spoke of meeting the needs of the poor, and in this case, specifically orphans. Yet those conversations and these verses have made me really consider (and reconsider) where and how I should be serving. I can't say that I have followed a "see a need, meet a need" model... and I feel that perhaps I've missed the mark in doing so.

While we're talking about the poor, I have another question for you. When you see a homeless person on the street, what's your thought? What runs through your mind?

I know what mine used to be: repulsion, disgust, fear, scorn, cross the street, walk quickly past, don't look (but can't avoid looking), they must be alcoholic, lazy, mentally unstable. All sorts of negative thoughts ran through my mind, none of them becoming, that's for sure.

However, when we moved here, my husband began running a homeless center. As we pass homeless people in our local area, I'll ask if he knows the person. He has known every single one. And not just their name, but their story.

It's amazing how my perception of them changed once they had a name and a story.

Yet... they all have names and stories.

Matthew 25:40, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

Yeah... missed the boat again...

I think I could have underlined the whole chapter. I found challenges not just on every page, but within every paragraph. I'm guilty of giving, but on my own time, of my own strength, when it's convenient or safe or easy for me. I give to the poor, but it's the 2-seasons-old clothes I never wear any more, and it's by dropping them off at the shelter, not walking the streets to meet a need. I donate to causes, but it's through people knocking on my door or stopping by my desk to ask, not getting down in the trenches myself. My giving is of my abundance and not making a sacrifice.

Page 124 poses the question that's really a challenge, "What are you doing right now that requires faith?"

I'll say that there are many things in my life that I'd like for God to provide me. But I don't know that I can think of anything that would break me if it didn't come through. I also don't know if, currently, there's anything that would be obvious to the world around me that "Hey, that was God!" if it did come through.

I'm fortunate to be apart of a wonderful group of ladies in my Monday night Bible Study, many of whom have HUGE things going on in their life right now that require faith and are "God-only" things. And I'm blessed to be not only praying with or for them, but also rejoicing with them as prayers are answered. And seriously, some of these things scream, "Hey, God did that! Amen!"

But for myself... I need to continue with the inventory Chan has listed in the past few chapters. I need to look for opportunities to "make God greater and myself less" (John 3:30). I need to challenge myself to give sacrificially and not just when it's convenient.

In short: I need to give God what He deserves. Always.

I'm overdue with posting about Chapter 6 from "Crazy Love."

I think part of it is because life has been crazy here lately with all the home renovations.

But I think the other part of it is that I'm still kind of trying to figure out how best to wrap my head around the chapter. For me, Chapter 6 was a convicting chapter. It's one where I know all the right answers, but at the same time, feel like my actions aren't living up to the answers as I know they should be.

The prevailing thought for me during this chapter: "Love IS Action."

Growing up, my home church had a rotating monthly service committee called "Love In Action." All the families of the church were put into a group. I believe there were something like 13-15 groups. Each group served for a month, and were responsible for meals at church events, coffee hour, greeting, communion serving, etc. The idea behind it is wonderful -- it's us showing our love in action.

Yet, if we LOVE, we shouldn't have to be grouped to show forth the action. For truly, love IS action.

If you love someone, you don't sit on the couch and say, "Here I am, serve me." You say, "Here I am, how can I serve you?" And this is the thought that's kept me from writing about this chapter this week. I feel like I'm being the "Here I am, serve me" version of love -- not just to God, but to others around me as well. I'm too caught up in the craziness around me and feel that I'm deserving of a break. As if others don't also experience that craziness.... As a result of my attitude, no one is getting the love they deserve from me.

I also had a revelation this week. Jon and I have talked many times that we haven't been "happy" since Baltimore. Certainly we have -- but what we mean by that is that our life has become more and more hectic, stressful, busy, stretched thin. And when I was considering this week why that might be, I realized the biggest difference: I haven't truly been serving since we left Baltimore. I've done things here or there or with the larger group at work during charity events. But I've not gone out of my way and sacrificially served. I've not gotten plugged in at church.

I try to claim that it's because I want to volunteer/serve as a family, which isn't untrue or a bad thing. But the difference is that Jon's job requires that he serve on a daily basis. My job isn't like that. So while Jon needs the evenings and weekends to refill, I need them to give -- to serve as a way to refill. Understanding, of course, that my family time is critical, and too short since we both work. That said, I'm taking it as a challenge to myself to find a way to serve on my own that doesn't take time away from my family -- or as little time as possible.

So all that said, I've kind of touched on the chapter without even opening the book. So now lets open up the book.

On page 100, Chan speaks of his Grandmother-in-Law, Clara. He speaks of how in love she was with Christ, how she couldn't wait to spend time with Jesus every day, how her life was completely centered and focused on Him. I was fortunate to have a "Clara" in my life. My Grandmother was one of those women who lived her life for Christ. I would often walk through her kitchen to find her head in her hands bowed in prayer. Meals not only began but also ended with a prayer. She has even shared that she saw Jesus late one night as she was nursing my sick aunt back to health. Everything she said or did pointed to Christ.

This section of the book and the memories of my Grandma reminded me of one of the first contemporary Christian songs I heard and fell in love with: "Midnight Oil" by Phillips, Craig, and Dean.

"Mama liked to burn the midnight oil down on her knees in prayer. If you asked her why she did it, she said she did it cause she cared. Now Mama always talked to Jesus when she knelt by her rocking chair. Oh I'm glad my Mama was willing to burn the midnight oil in prayer."

The song goes on to talk about how now he burns the midnight oil in prayer as well and hopes that one day his boy will grow to do the same. What a legacy - it's one that I pray I'm creating in my children as well.

The next page of "Crazy Love," page 101, poses a question that really stopped me dead in my tracks. Chan quoted John Piper with the following, "The critical question for our generation - and for every generation - is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?"

It's certainly a question I'd never considered before. When you think of heaven, what do you think of? I think of beauty, perfection, no more hurts, no more fears, no more pain, no more heartache. Most of the songs, books, etc., that I've read or heard talk about these aspects of heaven. The only song I can even think of that speaks of Jesus in heaven is "I Can Only Imagine." Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are many more of them, and I know that Biblically speaking, Jesus is noted to be in heaven. However, I think we're missing the boat -- we're thinking of how heaven will benefit us by things -- not the fact that we'll be in the presence constantly of the Almighty God. The realization that my idea of heaven was focused on the wrong parts of heaven was a sobering thought for me.

Page 102 really drove me to the statement I made earlier about the need to serve. On this page, Chan asks, "Is loving God - and by extension, loving people - what you are about?" I think I've become lax about this. However, it's what I would like to be about.

On Thursday night this week, we had the opportunity to see Aaron Ivey in concert during his home tour. He had a song that really spoke to me. The song is called "Give Your Life Away" and the specific lyrics that hit me are: "And you find you’re never alive till you give, you give your life away." For Jesus Christ, let me give my life away.

Despite all these realizations, we come back to the thoughts I shared in previous chapters. I'm an imperfect being, incapable of loving God the way He deserves to be loved. Chan addresses this as well on page 103. "The answer lies in letting Him change you. His counsel wasn't to "try harder," but rather to let Him in." Jesus promises in John 10:10, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Chan continues, "The fact is, I need God to help me love God. And if I need His help to love Him, a perfect being, I definitely need His help to love other, fault-filled humans."

I think I smiled when I read those couple paragraphs from which I pulled the above excerpt. I had been pretty hard on myself - berating the times I've not given my best, the times I've not loved my family as they deserve or my God as He deserves. Over and over again, I've told my self to try harder, to be more disciplined, to be less selfish. I've prayed about it -- but to be honest, I've told myself to "try harder" more often than I've asked God to help me. I've got my priorities mixed around.

Chan begins to wrap up the chapter on page 110 when he writes, "when we work for Christ out of obligation, it feels like work. But when we truly love Christ, our work is a manifestation of that love, and it feels like love."

In our sermon on Saturday night, our pastor asked, "Duty or Delight? Understanding or Acknowledgement?" Is it a head thing or a heart thing?

God is a heart thing.

Let Him in.

So what is your opinion of leftovers?

On one hand, I love them, because that means I can be “lazy” and just warm something up rather than being creative and making a whole new meal.

On the other hand, I don’t care for them at all – they’re often “mushy”, overcooked the second time, or all the flavors blend together.

Neither impression of leftovers is particularly appealing – especially when we talk about serving them to God.

Are we lazy? Giving God our leftovers because it’s easier than being creative? Easier than making the effort to prioritize? Easier than sacrificing a bit of ourselves and our time? Or are we giving Him our “mush?” Have we taken the best, freshest, “first-fruits” of our labors, and left Him with the rewarmed, over-cooked, all mixed-together seconds?

How generous of us…from either perspective.

In my post about the Preface, I even wrote about exactly what he’s challenging in this chapter: falling asleep on God. I busted myself without even knowing it! Chan writes, “God gets a scrap or two only because we feel guilty for giving Him nothing. A mumbled three-minute prayer at the end of the day, when we are already half asleep” (pg 97).

Now, I will say that there’s something safe and comfortable about falling asleep while talking to your Best Friend. I remember fondly the slumber parties of my youth when we’d fall asleep amid each other’s stories – none of us particularly wanting to be the first to nod off, but knowing it was bound to happen.

My personal opinion is that if you’re living in God during the day – praying, praising, giving yourself to Him – that if you happen to fall asleep as you’re praying at night, that might be OK. When there’s a true issue is when you’ve put Him off til the end of the day – then at the end of the day, you realize, “Oh shoot – I still have to pray.” Then you ever so generously squeeze in a couple minutes and accidentally fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion while you’re praying. That’s the kind of leftovers to which I can imagine God saying, “No thank you.”

As Chan says, “Jesus’ call to commitment is clear: He wants all or nothing” (pg 85). Several times throughout the Bible, we’re told to “love the Lord with all our hearts, with all our souls, with all our strength, and to love our neighbors as ourselves” (Deut 6:5, Deut 13:3, Mt 22:37, Mark 12:30, Mark 12:33, Luke 10:27).

So… if it was repeated that many times in the Word… you think He means it? You think it might be important?

If we turn to God, He will give us the ability to love Him in such a way. Deuteronomy 30:2 and 6 says, “and when you and your children return to the LORD your God and obey him with all your heart and with all your soul according to everything I command you today, then…The LORD your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live.”

We are human. It is not within our capabilities to love God with our whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. We are too selfish. It is only through the indwelling Holy Spirit (John 14:17) that we’re able to love God. It is because of our belief in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, and the presence of the Holy Spirit, that we’re seen as righteous in His eyes. We are promised in Romans 8:26 “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness” – in our own strength, we are not capable of loving God as much as He commands. But if we give ourselves over to Him, the Holy Spirit will help us in our weakness."

Similarly, when we receive the Holy Spirit, we receive the fruits of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-25) “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” We do not possess this fruit (singular - the Spirit gives us ALL of them) on our own – we are frail and imperfect sinners. We can express those qualities periodically and individually, but they are not qualities inherent to us -- especially all in one. Only through the Spirit can we bear fruit. Only through the Spirit can we love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Page 87 contains key sentences that I believe are imperative to hear, remember, and praise God for: “I do not want true believers to doubt their salvation as they read this book. In the midst of our failed attempts at loving Jesus, His grace covers us. Each of us has lukewarm elements and practices in our life; therein lies the senseless, extravagant grace of it all. The Scriptures demonstrate clearly that there is room for our failure and sin in our pursuit of God.”

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.

It’s very easy in this chapter (and the past one) to look at it as slightly legalistic. If I check off all these things, then I’m a Christian. If I follow all these rules and steps, then I’m saved. However, the Bible makes it clear that works will not gain our salvation. "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)

However, I think that it’s also important to understand that works come through faith. When we have faith in God, we are to be obedient to Him. When we’re obedient to Him, He’ll use us. When He uses us, there will be action. And of course, action often will come in the form of works – loving others, giving to others, serving others. While most certainly works don’t save us, they are an indicator of the transformation that took place when we gave ourselves to Christ. “Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead” (James 2:17). As verse 19 goes on to say, even demons believe there is a God and fear Him. It is our works that distinguish us as true believers – works that are Spirit-led.

I also think that we need to be careful not to judge others by their works. “Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment.” John 7:24. Only God can see and know a person’s heart. All of us are sinners, all of us are fallen, all of us need to be saved by grace through faith.

A couple weeks ago in church, one of the pastors shared a different perspective on the “Pearl of Great Price” Biblically, the Pearl of Great Price is a parable referring to the Kingdom of Heaven. However, this perspective was written by a man named Juan Carlos Ortiz. In this illustration, Jesus is the pearl. To paraphrase:

A man wants to buy a very valuable pearl. The person selling it declares it to be very expensive. When asked if he could buy it, the person said that anyone can buy it, but that it will cost everything he has. So they start writing down everything… house, boat, cars, all the possessions. Then he asks what else? He says that all he has left is family – so the man takes that, too, and is reminded that it will also cost the man his life. He has literally paid everything for this expensive pearl. However, the seller concludes: “I will allow you to use all these things for the time being. But don't forget that they are mine, just as you are. And whenever I need any of them you must give them up, because now I am the owner.”

Please click this link to read the full excerpt, as it really is more powerful than I can paraphrase.

When my children were born, we immediately returned them to God. They are His children. They are on loan to us. They are precious gifts, but they are His. Yet, while we willingly gave Him back our most precious gifts – have we done that with everything else? With our money? Our material goods? Our job? Our house? Our hurts, fears, and pains? I’m ashamed to admit that I haven’t.

I’m left with this question and this song:

What if I Gave All? (by Ray Boltz)
He heard the preacher say
A single dime can feed
A hungry boy or girl
With nothing to eat
So he pulled a dollar
From the pocket of his jeans
And he asked his mama
How many will this feed?
She just smiled
And when she told him ten
He reached back again

CHORUS:
What if I give all I have?
What will that gift do?
My child, a gift like that
Could change the world
It could feed a multitude
He didnt close his eyes
Or turn away
I can see him standing tall
He saw the need
And I can hear him say
What if I give all

Three birthday dollars
Could have bought a special toy
But he reminds me
Of another little boy
Who gave to Jesus
A gift of fish and bread
I wonder if he said

CHORUS:
What if I give all I have?
What will that gift do?
My child, a gift like that
Could change the world
It could feed a multitude
He didnt close his eyes
Or turn away
I can see him standing tall
He saw the need
And I can hear him say
What if I give all

And long ago a Father and a Son
Saw the children lost in sin
Can you see the tears
In the Fathers eyes
As Jesus says to him

What if I gave all I have?
What will that gift do?
My Son, that gift
Will change the world
It will free the multitudes

What if I give all I have?
What will that gift do?
My child a gift like that
Could change the world
It could feed a multitude

We cannot close our eyes
And turn away
When we hear His Spirit call
We see the need
Now let Him hear us say
What if I give all?
What if I give all?

Chapter 4 was a challenging one for many people to read. I know it was for me. In the preface, Chan assured us that this book would not be painless. This is definitely a chapter he had in mind when he wrote that.

The chapter consists primarily of a checklist of what it means to be lukewarm. I think what’s challenging about this list is that it’s likely we can all relate to every single item on it. At least I know I can. Perhaps (and thankfully) not all of the items at once, but I know this list has certainly convicted me.

Chan’s Profile of the Lukewarm (paraphrased from Chapter 4) – how many can you relate to?

Lukewarm people:

• attend church fairly regularly because that’s what “good Christians” do.


• give money to charity / church as long as it doesn’t impinge on their standard of living.


• choose what is popular over what is right when in conflict; they care more about what others think than what God thinks.


• don't really want to be saved from their sin, they just want to be saved from the penalty of their sin.


• are moved by the stories of people who do radical things for Christ, but assume that this is for “extreme” Christians.


• rarely share their faith with their neighbors, coworkers, or friends – anyone who might be uncomfortable.


• judge their morality or “goodness” by comparing themselves to others.


• say they love Jesus, and give Him a part of their life…but just a part, not full control.


• love God, but believe that loving Him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength is only possible for pastors, missionaries, or radicals.


• love others, but often not as much as themselves; their love is conditional, selective, and often comes with strings attached.


• will serve God and others, but within certain limits.


• are thankful for their luxuries and comforts, but rarely try to give as much as possible.


• do whatever is necessary to keep from feeling guilty.


• play it safe and are slaves to the god of control.


• feel secure because the attend church, were saved, were baptized – are complacent.


• have structured their lives so that they don’t have to live by faith.


• probably drink and swear less than average, but really aren’t that different than your typical unbeliever.

I think the biggest reason we (I) struggled with the list is because we (I) like to believe that we’re (I’m) doing a good job, that we’re (I’m) good people. We (I) like to see hope, to have the happy ending.

But the truth is: we’re (I’m) human.

And because we’re (I’m) human, we (I) fail, we (I) fall short, even our (my) best efforts aren’t good enough. That’s why we (I) need Jesus! Praise God for Jesus!

As I read through Chan’s laundry list, I found myself groaning inwardly at my failures, at my shortcomings. I’d get to one item on the list and say, “hey, that one I’m actually good at,” and have a small little victory party in my head. And that’s my point exactly – we want to be successful. We want to believe we’re good. Or we want to believe we’re not that bad.

When I was in high school I went to an FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) basketball camp where one of the speakers warned us not to put other people on a pedestal. No matter how good or holy they may appear to be, a person should not be put on a pedestal.

Why?

Because they’re human. And due to their human-ness, they will fail you. Always. Without question.

That can also be applied to our relationship with God. We’re human. We fail Him. We let Him down. It’s not a matter of “if,” it’s a matter of “when.” Due to our human condition, it will happen – and probably more often than we’d like for it to.

But that’s part of the awesomeness of God. "He’s gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love." (Psalm 145:8) He’s a God of second chances. He knows we’ll fail Him. Though he doesn’t like it, and even hates it, He still loves us. And He loves us with a redeeming love. “He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.” (Colossians 1:13-14)

Just as my salvation can’t be achieved by my own merit, once saved, there’s nothing that I can do that will remove me from His grip. “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

Did you read that amazing promise? NOTHING can separate us from the love of God which is only found in Christ Jesus our Lord. NOTHING. And that, my friends, includes my own shortcomings and failures.

In Chapter 4, Chan warns us not to assume that we’re good soil.

I grew up in the rich farmland of South Dakota. Farming has been in my family for generations. The soil on which my family farmed and made their livings is some of the richest, most “good” soil to be found in the world.

However, good soil on its own won’t yield a harvest. Sure, crops might grow for a time, but without constant tending, weeds will overtake the crops. Without proper plowing, even the good soil will become hard and unable to receive seed. Rocks work their way to the surface frequently and must be removed. In other words – good soil requires constant attention, constant nurture in order to remain good.

Chan’s warning didn’t sit well with me at first. But I’ve come to realize that he’s absolutely right. Of my own merit, I would say that I’m pretty rotten soil. But through Jesus Christ, my soil is rich and good.

In my Monday night ladies Bible Study, our leader often says there’s no plateau in our relationship with Jesus Christ. If we’re not moving forward and strengthening it, we’re moving backward and away from Him. To me, this is where the “lukewarm” comes in. It’s an ugly place to be.

Revelation 3:15-17 addresses the lukewarm: “I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth. Because you say, ‘I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing’—and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked—"

However, God, in His mercy, doesn’t leave us in that hopeless state. He shows us the solution.

The following verses (Rev 3:18-22) continue: “I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see. As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me. To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”

Lord, I confess to you my lukewarm-ness – it is so easy for me to slip into comfortable mode, to go through the routines of my daily life without giving you control. Lord, please refine me, so that I might be proved genuine (1 Pet 1:7). I thank you for your promise to complete the good work that you’ve begun in me (Phil 1:6). May my heart and my life be as clay in your hands; mold me to your will (Jer 18:6). Amen.

I had two prevailing thoughts while reading chapter three:

1. I’m so very thankful for my father and for the Godly example he placed in my life.


2. Having children has enlightened me to a new side of God as Father than I’ve ever understood before.

For these gifts in my life, I’m grateful. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” (James 1:17)

On page 52, Chan speaks of his relationship with his father, and how his relationship with God was largely impacted by his relationship with his father. I think that’s true with many people – if not most. I was fortunate to have not only a wonderful father, but a legacy full of Christian men and women who strove always to point their family and others around them to God. Jon’s family is very much the same way. We call it our “Legacy of Love” and our intent is to provide that same Christian legacy for our children.

Through my father, as well as my mother, grandparents, and now through Jon’s parents and family as well, I am able to see God’s love and mercy reflected. “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12) I’ve been so uplifted, encouraged, and filled by the reflection of God I’ve seen through my parents and family – imagine how much more love and mercy God in His perfection provides!

After describing his relationship with his father, on page 53 Chan goes into a description of the love he came to know as a parent once he had children. He concludes the illustration of his love for his children by saying, “I am just an earthly, sinful father, and I love my kids so much it hurts. How could I not trust a heavenly, perfect Father who loves me infinitely more than I will ever love my kids.” (pg 53)

I found myself asking the questions: Do we show God the same enthusiasm our kids show us as we return home from work? Running to us eagerly, throwing themselves on us for hugs and kisses? Is God as excited to see us as we are to see our kids? Do our faces shine towards God with the same love and admiration that our kids shine on us? Is God heart-sick with missing His kids when they’re apart?

We’re told that we’ve been created in God’s image: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27). That being the case, my conclusion is a resounding YES! God IS as excited to see us as we are to see our kids – and probably even more. And God IS heart-sick with missing His kids when we are not close to him – even more so than our feelings towards our children. I think it’s beautiful how He’s given us little glimpses of Himself – in illustrative points that we can grasp with our minds. I’m not God, therefore I’ll never understand Him perfectly – but I am a parent, and I understand deeply how much I love my kids. And the love is an astounding love – one that I knew would be great, but never imagined just how powerful until my first little bundle was placed in my arms. It’s indescribable…yet a perfect illustration of God’s love for me.

During the past few weeks I’ve been reading both “Crazy Love” and “Seeking Him,” the latter being a Bible Study I’m doing at church on Monday nights. There are two very similar statements made in both books – both of which I really struggled to grasp.

Crazy Love, page 55 (speaking of his decision to spend a few days alone with God in the woods): “Before I left, a friend prayed, ‘God, I know how You’ve wanted this time with Francis…’ Though I didn’t say anything at the time, I secretly thought it was a heretical way to pray and that he was wrong to phrase it that way. I was going to the woods because I wanted more of God. But He’s God; He certainly wouldn’t want more of me! It seemed demeaning to think that God could long for a human being.”

Seeking Him, page 9: “That very desire [for God] is God-initiated. He wants you back! Why? Because He loves you and knows you cannot experience all He has for you in your present condition.” (ref. Hosea 11, Hosea 14)

Repetition is a good way for God to break through my cobwebs and make a point. The point that my desire for God was something that HE gave me was new to me. And hard for me to grasp. I always thought it was me who had to decide to turn to Him. And while it is something I need to do (we do, afterall, have free will), the desire to turn to Him comes from Him.

I tend to be a self-deprecating person, and the whole “It’s not about me” thought is something I can very easily grasp, but also take that idea to extremes. While it’s NOT all about me, and it IS all about God, that doesn’t mean I’m not important. It doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love me. Quite the opposite. I’m so important to God (as are all of you), that He has called us to be His inheritance (Eph 1:18). That’s just not a blessing you give to someone you don’t love!

Once again, I turned to my relationship with my children as a way to help me grasp this point. Again, I was thankful to God for giving me a way to understand in some concrete way just how much He loves me.

Before having kids, Jon and I talked often about how we wanted to make sure that our kids don’t believe that the world revolves around them (they still do, they are human after all). We talked about not giving them everything they want, not changing our lives completely to accommodate theirs, setting rules, setting boundaries, disciplining them – you know – all those things that make us “mean parents” (or one day will). Yet, despite all these “restrictions” we put on our children, they’re absolutely the most important things in our lives (after God and each other, of course). Our restrictions are in place BECAUSE we love them, BECAUSE we want the best for them, BECAUSE they’re so incredibly important…yet, it’s NOT all about them. That comparison literally hit me today – and it was like a light opened up and I went, “Oh yeah! I get it now! Thank you God!” Humbling.

Not only does God love us know, but he knew us before we were born. We were planned. We’re here for a purpose; we’re here for God’s purpose. Jeremiah 1:5 is such a familiar verse, but a much loved one as well, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”

Wouldn’t you know, I have a story to go with that as well.

When I was ready for college, my parents gave me the savings bonds they’d been collecting throughout my life. Every birthday and every Christmas, I was given a savings bond by my parents and my Grandparents (they alternated – one had birthday and one had Christmas). Growing up, I’d open them, gush thanks pretending I knew just how valuable they were, then move onto the presents containing toys or the things that I really wanted. (Oh what an example that is, too – who knows what’s best for us?)

On the brink of adulthood, I fingered through all the savings bonds my parents had held for me all those years. I got to the first and earliest one. It was dated September 1975. I was born in October. I remember blinking back tears as I discovered that bond dated just a month before my arrival. I remember feeling so loved, so cherished, so wanted. And that’s how my earthly parents made me feel – imagine just how much longer my heavenly Father planned for my arrival, and how much he loves, cherishes, and wants me.

I’ll close with the verse I shared above: “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12). I’m SO thankful for the beautiful reflection of God I’ve been shown throughout my life. So very grateful. I pray that I can reflect God in the same way to my children as I was blessed to see Him throughout my life. And I’m SO thankful that one day I’ll know fully just how great and wonderful God’s love is for me.