I have to say, I struggled more with this chapter than with Chapters 4 and 5, which were all about our shortcomings.

It's always been (too) easy for me to list my faults and chastize myself for them. I'm quick to point out reasons why I can't or shouldn't.

You see, I hate to fail.

I'm a huge people-pleaser, which means I'd rather point out my faults before someone else notices them and points them out to me. It is inevidable, after all! Unfortunately, while I'm quick to point out my shortcomings, I'm also quick to poo-poo my strengths. I compare them against others who are stronger. Or I compare them pridefully against those who are weaker -- neither alternative is particularly flattering.

Along with hating to fail, I also hate to take risks. They kind of go hand in hand. I'm more of a control freak of my well-being and success than I'd like to be. If I don't think I'll succeed, I simply won't try, or I'll laugh it off as something I don't care about (i.e. golfing).

Unfortunately, God wants risk takers, not control freaks. He doesn't want us to control our own lives, He wants us to surrender control to Him. He wants us to give our all, not just a half-hearted effort so that we can make excuses at the end saying, "Oh, but I wasn't really trying."

So the chapters about lukewarm and leftovers were not easy, but were things that I already tell myself. This chapter -- about what a sold-out Christian ought to be doing, was much harder for me. During this chapter, I was forced to acknowledge that in pretty much all of the mentioned areas, I've failed to put myself out there. I've neglected to take risks. I've set up my life to be cushy, controlled, and comfortable, not completely reliant upon God.

Don't get me wrong -- I do completely have faith in God.

Yet... in many ways I've set up my life so that I've never truly had to rely on that faith. We invest, we save, we purchase wisely, we carry no debt (other than mortgage), etc., etc., etc. We're both first borns: we're "responsible planners." ...or something like that!

This thought on page 114 struck me:
"These people were far from perfect [Samson, Moses, David, Noah Rahab], yet they had faith in a God who was able to come through in seeminly dire situations." This line of thinking went on to say that Noah spent 120 years building the ark and warning others about the impending judgement.

120 YEARS.

Yet, if I have to wait 120 minutes, a mere 2 hours, I'm incredibly impatient!

Page 116 was very humbling and eye-opening to me, "When you pray, your prayers are heard by the same God who answered Moses' prayer for water in the desert, the God who gave Abraham and his barren wife a son, and the God who made the slave Joseph second in power only to Pharaoh."

Of course, I realize that I'm praying to the same God, which is humbling. But the eye-opening part is how I limit God by my prayers. Some of the things I ask Him for must make Him say, "Come on - that's an easy one. Ask me something that requires faith. Ask me for something that will show to others that I'm at work, because it's something only I can do."

Question for you: How often do you use the word "just" when you pray? Lord, just help us to sleep well. Lord, I just ask that you be with my Grandmother.

The definition of "just" is: "only or merely." Perhaps it's our way of sounding humble... but if that's ONLY what we're asking, are we not limiting God in what we're asking? If we ask for JUST a certain thing, what if He wanted to give us abundantly more?

That question was posted to me a few years back, and I'm acutely aware of the word "just" in prayers now -- mine and others. Let God be powerful in your life -- don't restrict His might in your life by your words.

The questions on page 117 were questions that gave me pause to consider my answers. "Are you ready and willing to make yourself nothing? To take the very nature of a servant? To be obedient unto death?" I'd like to say yes to all of the questions. And I believe that in my heart, I do say yes. However, I also feel like I'm kind of sitting here waiting for God to tell me what He'd have me do, rather than seeking out opportunities to prove my actions match my words.

This line of thinking is continued on page 118 with Matthew 25:45, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." Chan goes on to say, "Basically, Christ is connecting the command to 'love God' with the command to 'love your neighbor.' By loving 'the least of these,' we are loving God Himself."

Over the past couple weeks, I had one conversation (with a couple fellow Bloomers) about serving, as well as listened to Aaron Ivey speak and sing about serving the poor and needy. In my conversation we talked about whether we should serve in church (long term) where there's a need or where God has called us. We referred to "I am the vine, you are the branches" and talked about being most fruitful and productive if we're plugged-in in places where God would have us to be. We also acknowledged that short term, sometimes there's a need that simply must be met, but for long term church service, we're most beneficial being plugged in where God wants us.

That was somewhat contrasted by Aaron Ivey, and I'm completely paraphrasing him, because I wasn't prepared to take notes that night. He was talking about their life immediately after adopting their first child. They were considering what they would do next, if the timing to adopt another was right, if they should wait until the funds were raised etc. But God plopped another adoption opportunity in their lap. As they asked Him whether they should go this way or that way, His respose was essentially, "Meet the need."

If you see a need, meet a need.

Now granted, the conversations were vastly different. One talked of serving in a church. The other spoke of meeting the needs of the poor, and in this case, specifically orphans. Yet those conversations and these verses have made me really consider (and reconsider) where and how I should be serving. I can't say that I have followed a "see a need, meet a need" model... and I feel that perhaps I've missed the mark in doing so.

While we're talking about the poor, I have another question for you. When you see a homeless person on the street, what's your thought? What runs through your mind?

I know what mine used to be: repulsion, disgust, fear, scorn, cross the street, walk quickly past, don't look (but can't avoid looking), they must be alcoholic, lazy, mentally unstable. All sorts of negative thoughts ran through my mind, none of them becoming, that's for sure.

However, when we moved here, my husband began running a homeless center. As we pass homeless people in our local area, I'll ask if he knows the person. He has known every single one. And not just their name, but their story.

It's amazing how my perception of them changed once they had a name and a story.

Yet... they all have names and stories.

Matthew 25:40, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

Yeah... missed the boat again...

I think I could have underlined the whole chapter. I found challenges not just on every page, but within every paragraph. I'm guilty of giving, but on my own time, of my own strength, when it's convenient or safe or easy for me. I give to the poor, but it's the 2-seasons-old clothes I never wear any more, and it's by dropping them off at the shelter, not walking the streets to meet a need. I donate to causes, but it's through people knocking on my door or stopping by my desk to ask, not getting down in the trenches myself. My giving is of my abundance and not making a sacrifice.

Page 124 poses the question that's really a challenge, "What are you doing right now that requires faith?"

I'll say that there are many things in my life that I'd like for God to provide me. But I don't know that I can think of anything that would break me if it didn't come through. I also don't know if, currently, there's anything that would be obvious to the world around me that "Hey, that was God!" if it did come through.

I'm fortunate to be apart of a wonderful group of ladies in my Monday night Bible Study, many of whom have HUGE things going on in their life right now that require faith and are "God-only" things. And I'm blessed to be not only praying with or for them, but also rejoicing with them as prayers are answered. And seriously, some of these things scream, "Hey, God did that! Amen!"

But for myself... I need to continue with the inventory Chan has listed in the past few chapters. I need to look for opportunities to "make God greater and myself less" (John 3:30). I need to challenge myself to give sacrificially and not just when it's convenient.

In short: I need to give God what He deserves. Always.