Snapshots
I’ve had this post rolling around in my head for about a month now. It’s probably time to get it out.
As a working Mom, I’m often considering what to involve my kids in – soccer, piano, birthday parties, etc. I want them to experience everything. I want them to have a full and rich childhood. I want them to discover and develop their passions. Yet I also know that I have precious few hours with them after work each day, and the weekends are very “protected” as family time. I simply can’t put them in everything I’d like to.
Several months ago, I was looking through facebook photos of my friends with my Mom. I was showing her how happy they were, what they were up to, trips they took, activities their kids were in. And I was lamenting the fact that “my kids haven’t done this,” or “we haven’t made time to do that.” Essentially, I was stacking my life against theirs and determining that I was doing it all wrong and I’d end up with miserable children.
She wisely pointed out that we were looking at snapshots. When people share snapshots of their life, they share the good parts, the memories, the treasures, the “golden moments.” To compare my life with only the good parts of someone else’s just simply isn’t fair or right. (Not to mention I probably shouldn’t be comparing my life anyway.)
But lately it really got me thinking about what “snapshots” I share with others. Through this blog, it’s not my intent to be transparent with my deepest thoughts, my biggest fears, my insecurities. I will be vulnerable, but only to the point I’m comfortable. Yet I know several other bloggers who are completely vulnerable and open with their blogs. I applaud them for that, even though I’m not willing to venture there myself.
I think that’s something that we as women and mothers struggle with (at least I hope that I’m not the only one). It’s so easy to compare ourselves to other’s snapshots. Why can't we sometimes put the "real" us out there (i.e. admit that there are dishes in the sink, laundry needing to be folded, toys scattered all over, and a frozen dinner instead of a homecooked meal) so that we don't feel alone in our chaos!?
Recently I saw a photo of a mom’s “messy” house. Messy by her standards. My house looks like that on its cleanest day! I probably spent the next hour lamenting my lack of neat freak tendencies.
Seriously.
I think the blog world has perpetuated what I consider to be a negative trait in women – of always comparing ourselves to each other and trying to hold ourselves to impossible standards. Don’t get me wrong – I love the blog world (I am, after all, a part of it, right?) – but I think it has also played into many of our insecurities. Who has the most “followers” in both Twitter and blogland? How many friends do we have in facebook? Who is going to the next blog conference? What blog-celebrity have you met there? What corporate sponsorship can you get for blogging?
Some of it literally makes me want to shut down my blog, cancel my facebook and Twitter accounts, and just melt completely into the REAL world and into virtual obscurity.
At the same time, I know that in doing so, I’d miss out on a lot of the rich friendships I’ve gained through Bloom and the blog world.
So Snapshots…
What does your snapshot say about you? Is it the “real” you or only the “happy” part of you? Or maybe only the “hurting” part of you?
God has made us to be beautifully complex… perfect in our weakness and imperfection. I challenge myself and each of you to compare yourself only to God’s snapshot. To live up to HIS standards. To live a life worth of HIS calling. To seek out HIS direction and purpose. To find passion in HIM.
And may our Snapshots also point to Him.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010
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2 comments:
It breaks my hearts to see my friends struggling with insecurity. Women seem to be especially susceptible to it, and it usually starts when they compare themselves to someone else or set the bar to something that simply isn't God's purpose for them. God has a special plan set out for each and every one of us, and it's a marathon, not a race.
I'm going to guess that the mom's snapshot of "messy" came with an apology and a warning that the house was a mess, they didn't have time to clean up that day, etc... because of fear. Fear that someone would point things out or judge her or fear that she didn't measure up to what people thought of her. By contrast, we have the young woman in India who opens her home to the Compassion bloggers, and exclaims "isn't it beautiful!!" as she beams with pride... the home is a makeshift shack by "American Standards", and can not fit her entire family, yet she is content and holds no shame. We could all learn from such pure souls!
I have a feeling that Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity" will be a best seller, because it will speak into the heart of women.
As for blogging, I see insecurity and competition everywhere, and it breaks my heart. I have a Facebook account but don't use it, I deleted my Twitter account, and have a private blog to keep the focus on being real, and on relationships.
The issues you mentioned can be found anywhere in the world, not just blogging. You'll find it at work around the water cooler, in mom's groups, at the park, at school functions, insecurity is an epidemic that is not just prevalent in the blogging world.
I have to admit, though, there is one thing about blogging that I struggle with. I see the potential for fellowship, for community, for conversation and shared insight, encouragement and wisdom, and there seems to be missed opportunities. I get a lot of traffic on my blog, but the majority of those who read don't comment, and it leaves me missing out on the thoughts they would have shared, and ways that we could help each other, the sense of community, the relationship. The only thing that keeps those feelings at bay is the reminder that I blog/journal to have a record of the experiences I've had, my thoughts, my heart's journey, the things I learn along the way, and none of that comes with the guarantee of community. I do keep it real, very real, and if that costs me comments, it's a small price to pay for authenticity.
And you, Sarah -- I love your heart, always, and it's a privilege to have you share it with us today.
Preach it! wow.. I didn't realize how behind I was in re. to your blog!
You are on to something on this post... I think we touched on this subject sitting in your basement. :-)
Here's to the internet NOT taking the place of real, authentic in real life relationships....here, here.
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