I had two prevailing thoughts while reading chapter three:

1. I’m so very thankful for my father and for the Godly example he placed in my life.


2. Having children has enlightened me to a new side of God as Father than I’ve ever understood before.

For these gifts in my life, I’m grateful. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” (James 1:17)

On page 52, Chan speaks of his relationship with his father, and how his relationship with God was largely impacted by his relationship with his father. I think that’s true with many people – if not most. I was fortunate to have not only a wonderful father, but a legacy full of Christian men and women who strove always to point their family and others around them to God. Jon’s family is very much the same way. We call it our “Legacy of Love” and our intent is to provide that same Christian legacy for our children.

Through my father, as well as my mother, grandparents, and now through Jon’s parents and family as well, I am able to see God’s love and mercy reflected. “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12) I’ve been so uplifted, encouraged, and filled by the reflection of God I’ve seen through my parents and family – imagine how much more love and mercy God in His perfection provides!

After describing his relationship with his father, on page 53 Chan goes into a description of the love he came to know as a parent once he had children. He concludes the illustration of his love for his children by saying, “I am just an earthly, sinful father, and I love my kids so much it hurts. How could I not trust a heavenly, perfect Father who loves me infinitely more than I will ever love my kids.” (pg 53)

I found myself asking the questions: Do we show God the same enthusiasm our kids show us as we return home from work? Running to us eagerly, throwing themselves on us for hugs and kisses? Is God as excited to see us as we are to see our kids? Do our faces shine towards God with the same love and admiration that our kids shine on us? Is God heart-sick with missing His kids when they’re apart?

We’re told that we’ve been created in God’s image: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27). That being the case, my conclusion is a resounding YES! God IS as excited to see us as we are to see our kids – and probably even more. And God IS heart-sick with missing His kids when we are not close to him – even more so than our feelings towards our children. I think it’s beautiful how He’s given us little glimpses of Himself – in illustrative points that we can grasp with our minds. I’m not God, therefore I’ll never understand Him perfectly – but I am a parent, and I understand deeply how much I love my kids. And the love is an astounding love – one that I knew would be great, but never imagined just how powerful until my first little bundle was placed in my arms. It’s indescribable…yet a perfect illustration of God’s love for me.

During the past few weeks I’ve been reading both “Crazy Love” and “Seeking Him,” the latter being a Bible Study I’m doing at church on Monday nights. There are two very similar statements made in both books – both of which I really struggled to grasp.

Crazy Love, page 55 (speaking of his decision to spend a few days alone with God in the woods): “Before I left, a friend prayed, ‘God, I know how You’ve wanted this time with Francis…’ Though I didn’t say anything at the time, I secretly thought it was a heretical way to pray and that he was wrong to phrase it that way. I was going to the woods because I wanted more of God. But He’s God; He certainly wouldn’t want more of me! It seemed demeaning to think that God could long for a human being.”

Seeking Him, page 9: “That very desire [for God] is God-initiated. He wants you back! Why? Because He loves you and knows you cannot experience all He has for you in your present condition.” (ref. Hosea 11, Hosea 14)

Repetition is a good way for God to break through my cobwebs and make a point. The point that my desire for God was something that HE gave me was new to me. And hard for me to grasp. I always thought it was me who had to decide to turn to Him. And while it is something I need to do (we do, afterall, have free will), the desire to turn to Him comes from Him.

I tend to be a self-deprecating person, and the whole “It’s not about me” thought is something I can very easily grasp, but also take that idea to extremes. While it’s NOT all about me, and it IS all about God, that doesn’t mean I’m not important. It doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love me. Quite the opposite. I’m so important to God (as are all of you), that He has called us to be His inheritance (Eph 1:18). That’s just not a blessing you give to someone you don’t love!

Once again, I turned to my relationship with my children as a way to help me grasp this point. Again, I was thankful to God for giving me a way to understand in some concrete way just how much He loves me.

Before having kids, Jon and I talked often about how we wanted to make sure that our kids don’t believe that the world revolves around them (they still do, they are human after all). We talked about not giving them everything they want, not changing our lives completely to accommodate theirs, setting rules, setting boundaries, disciplining them – you know – all those things that make us “mean parents” (or one day will). Yet, despite all these “restrictions” we put on our children, they’re absolutely the most important things in our lives (after God and each other, of course). Our restrictions are in place BECAUSE we love them, BECAUSE we want the best for them, BECAUSE they’re so incredibly important…yet, it’s NOT all about them. That comparison literally hit me today – and it was like a light opened up and I went, “Oh yeah! I get it now! Thank you God!” Humbling.

Not only does God love us know, but he knew us before we were born. We were planned. We’re here for a purpose; we’re here for God’s purpose. Jeremiah 1:5 is such a familiar verse, but a much loved one as well, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”

Wouldn’t you know, I have a story to go with that as well.

When I was ready for college, my parents gave me the savings bonds they’d been collecting throughout my life. Every birthday and every Christmas, I was given a savings bond by my parents and my Grandparents (they alternated – one had birthday and one had Christmas). Growing up, I’d open them, gush thanks pretending I knew just how valuable they were, then move onto the presents containing toys or the things that I really wanted. (Oh what an example that is, too – who knows what’s best for us?)

On the brink of adulthood, I fingered through all the savings bonds my parents had held for me all those years. I got to the first and earliest one. It was dated September 1975. I was born in October. I remember blinking back tears as I discovered that bond dated just a month before my arrival. I remember feeling so loved, so cherished, so wanted. And that’s how my earthly parents made me feel – imagine just how much longer my heavenly Father planned for my arrival, and how much he loves, cherishes, and wants me.

I’ll close with the verse I shared above: “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12). I’m SO thankful for the beautiful reflection of God I’ve been shown throughout my life. So very grateful. I pray that I can reflect God in the same way to my children as I was blessed to see Him throughout my life. And I’m SO thankful that one day I’ll know fully just how great and wonderful God’s love is for me.

I discovered a new photography blog.



I absolutely LOVE photographs, love photo-editing, love digital scrapbooking... but am terrible at photo-editing. I simply don't have patience for it. However, since most of my best photos were simply "luck of the shoot," I must improve my photo-editing skills. Hopefully I'll learn a thing or two (or twenty) from some people who simply are AMAZING.

In the meantime... today's theme is BLUE. I took this photo in 2007. Amara's eyes were strikingly blue for the first couple years of her life. Slowly they've turned more green. Now they're this crazy shade of aqua that can appear blue or green depending upon what she's wearing or whether or not she's crying. It's fun to have a photo of when they were so blue (OK, so blowing out the photo did make them bluer than they really were). Perhaps another theme can be GREEN, in which case, I'll have to recapture this photo with her newly shaded eyes.

Jon's been out of town this week, so the kiddos and I have just been hangin' at home. At ages 3 and 5, they're both at just such FUN stages of their life. They're full of giggles, personality, creativity, thoughts, ideas, curiousity. Everything is new and exciting for them. And because Jon's out of town, we've ended up with slumber parties in Mommy's bed -- or at least last night we did. I'm sure I'll pay for that decision tonight, when I won't allow it. But for last night, it was nice.

Having my little snuggle bugs nestle close to me just sent me back in time to when they were tiny and so dependent upon me. I won't lie -- I'm not a baby person, and much prefer the stage they're in right now to infancy. However, there's a certain magic to infancy as well; to total dependence upon a person. The smell of their sweet hair, sweet breath, their soft breathing, the way they curl into you -- there's just nothing like it. And the gift of time and rememberence makes those late nights, lack of sleep, blow out diapers -- all that stuff just disappears!

So my Throwback Thursday is simply that -- reflecting on when my kids were littler. And in looking through old pictures, I happened upon two of my favorite scrapbook layouts. They were both taken in May of 2007, so Dominic was 11 months old, which would make Amara 33 months old (i.e. almost 3).

In May of 2007, we took a family trip to the Black Hills (South Dakota). And by family trip, I mean my entire family. We went to celebrate my Grandparent's 60th Anniversary and renewal ceremony at Chapel In the Hills. While in the hills, of course you have to go see Mount Rushmore - even though I've been there countless times. No matter how many times I've seen it though, it's powerful and breathtaking each time. I especially loved this picture that I took of Amara with Jon looking at the mountain. I thought it so fitting that a little girl and her hero were looking up at traditional US heroes. I think this will always be one of my favorite pictures.



Dominic's picture was taken at home in Cincinnati, also in May of 2007. He was 11 months old and cruising all over the house. He had the strength to walk, but wasn't quite there yet. He was so eager to discover the world, and I just thought this series of pictures captured that. He has always had a curious little mind -- how do things fit together? how does this work? Ironically, he didn't start walking until September of 2007 -- a full 4 months after these photos were taken. It was literally the day after he had tubes put in his ears. All the fluid was making him unable to balance, and thus unable to walk. He started talking that same day in September. And not just a little bit -- he quickly went from a handful of single words to full sentences. Poor kid needed those tubes, that's for sure!

Don't know why the sentimentality today. I think a night of snuggling with my kiddos did me good. The opportunities to snuggle will continue to get fewer and farther between as they grow up. For now, I'm glad they still love to hug me close.

Jon and I have always known that we’re complete opposites. Our friends know it. Our families know it. The famous “Jerry McGuire” movie line, “You complete me,” makes total sense to us. We are perfectly aligned on the centrally important thing in our life: put God first. However, our approach to things, the way we think, the way we feel, act, learn – everything else about us is completely opposite.

I was chatting with some friends last night and the Myers Briggs Personality Test became a topic of conversation. I took it and had the same results I’ve had since the first time I took the test 16 years ago. Perhaps the degree to which I possess certain qualities has shifted slightly, but the outcome was the same. So then I had Jon take it. Confirmation: We’re complete opposites. Literally. To the extent that the percentage of each quality for each of us almost negates each others and brings us to zero. Quite fascinating really.

So who are we, according to Myers Briggs?
I am ESFJ
Jon is INTJ
OK, so not *complete* opposites. The “J” is our common bond.

The interesting thing is how completely accurate the descriptions are for each of us.



Me – ESFJ

Kiersey identifies this combination as the “Guardian Provider.” Traits or tendencies include:

- Take it upon themselves to insure the health and welfare of those in their care
- Happily give their time and energy to make sure that the needs of others are met
- Highly cooperative
- Skilled in maintaining teamwork among their helpers
- Able to speak publicly with ease and confidence
- Knows everyone by name, and seemingly aware of what everyone's been doing
- Friendly, outgoing, neighborly
- Will often strike up a conversation with strangers
- Friendships matter a great deal; conversations with friends often touch on good times from years past
- Family traditions are sacred
- Guardians of birthdays, holidays and celebrations
- Delightful fascination with news of their friends and neighbors
- Extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types
- Somewhat self-conscious, highly sensitive to what others think of them
- Loving and affectionate themselves, they need to be loved in return.
- Providers can be crushed by personal criticism
- Happiest when given ample appreciation both for themselves personally and for the tireless service they give to others
- Work hard and play with zest
- Easily wounded; when wounded, their emotions will not be contained
- Wear their hearts on their sleeves
- Sense of right and wrong wrestles with an overwhelming rescuing, 'mothering' drive
- Hyper-vigilant; sense danger all around
- Actions are encouraged or rebuked based on how they affect other people


Jon – INTJ

Kiersey identifies this combination as the “Mastermind” and says that they are rare, comprising no more than 1% of the population. This is consistent with many other types of personality tests Jon has taken. Traits or tendencies include:

- Idea people
- Head and shoulders above all the rest in contingency planning
- Naturally able to grasp how one step leads too another in necessary progression
- Never set off on their current project without a Plan A firmly in mind, but they are always prepared to switch to Plan B or C or D if need be
- Rarely encountered outside their office, factory, school, or laboratory
- Not at all eager to take command, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead (this is one that doesn’t describe Jon)
- Thoroughgoing pragmatists once they take the lead
- Certain that efficiency is indispensable
- Quick to realign operations and reassign personnel if they see inefficiences
- Do not feel bound by established rules and procedures
- Possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability
- Gift for seizing opportunities which others might not even notice
- Traditional authority does not impress them, nor do slogans or catchwords
- Only ideas that make sense to them are adopted; those that don't, aren't, no matter who thought of them
- In their careers, rise to positions of responsibility
- Work long and hard and are dedicated in their pursuit of goals
- Problem-solving is highly stimulating
- Verbalize the positive and avoid comments of a negative nature
- More interested in moving an organization forward than dwelling on mistakes of the past
- Tend to be much more definite and self-confident than other Rationals
- Very strong willed
- Decisions come easily to them, but before they decide anything, they must do the research
- Highly theoretical
- Suspicious of any statement that is based on shoddy research, or that is not checked against reality
- May appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence
- INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know
- Perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest
- Unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake
- Extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand


Another interesting discovery – when digging into relationships between our types. (Directly quoted from: http://keirsey.com/personalityzone/lz86.asp)

Rationals (Jon) are the most opposite temperament to Guardians (me). (Told ya!) While you are concrete in your communication and cooperative in action, Rationals talk of abstract ideas, and are unconcerned with rules, traditions, or conventions in pursuing "what works". Long term, your Rational partner requires the most flexibility on your part, if you are to be happy together. (To be fair, they get the same advice).

- Get comfortable with their "need" to question authority. To a Rational (Jon), a rule is a guideline, may be outmoded, and is therefore open to question. Rationals respect one thing above all else: competence. They are always looking for a better way to do anything (that they care about), so you will need to get used to them not following rules, procedures, or authorities that they find to be obsolete, unnecessarily restrictive, or incompetent.

- Rationals will usually appreciate your ability to plan and save ahead for that rainy day. In fact, because Rationals' weakest suit is logistics, the more you take care of planning and details, the better. (Uh... yeah!) Use the "splurge fund" to buy your partner books and the latest tech gadgets.

- Help your Rational partner to be romantic. Of all the temperaments, they are the least sentimental, so marking important dates (such as birthdays, anniversaries, etc) on calendars where they will not miss them will help keep them from letting you down on these occasions. Even though it is often hidden, Rationals do have a romantic streak - they just need your help uncovering it.

I will say that Jon *is* a romantic and always does special things for OUR important dates. But other people’s birthdays, anniversaries – forget it! He’s not about to remember. So to our family – sorry! Please forward me your important dates and I’ll mark it on the calendar! The days of HIM remembering HIS side of the family and friends and ME remembering MY side are apparently over.

Anyway… a lot of rambling for a Tuesday morning…

All information was taken from these sites:
http://keirsey.com/personalityzone/lz86.asp
http://keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=2&c=provider
http://keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=5&c=mastermind
http://typelogic.com/esfj.html
http://typelogic.com/intj.html

While the main theme of this chapter was that the story of our lives and all of history is not about us, but about God, it’s the worry and stress sub-theme that I really clung to, because I’ve found myself struggling with that for the past 3 years.

*****

“On the average day, we live caught up in ourselves. On the average day, we don’t consider God very much. On the average day, we forget that our life truly is a vapor.” (pg 37)

I know that I’m guilty of all of the above. It seems that life has become more and more hectic during the last 3 years. I feel as if I’m always “drowning” and trying to keep my head above water and my life balanced. Yet, the more *I* try, the more *I* try to control it – which means that I’m not turning to God as I should.

I hear many people say that it’s during the “every day” of life that they forget to turn to God; that they turn to God when things get bad. I think I’m the opposite. During “normal” life, I find it very easy to thank Him and recognize Him for my many blessings, for the beautiful things that surround me, for my family, for my life. However, when times get stressful, that’s when I tend to turn inward and fight for control – fight to keep my head above water. Why is that?

Next to the paragraph above, I penciled in my margin: How do you start your day? How do you live your day? Is God an appointment in your calendar? Something tells me God doesn’t want to be “an appointment” – He wants to be the first thing you turn to daily. He wants to be the most important thing in your life – in MY life – not something that can be squeezed in at the time that is most convenient.

*****

“Frederick Buechner wrote, ‘Intellectually we all know that we will die, but we do not really know it in the sense that the knowledge becomes a part of us. We do not really know it in the sense of living as though it were true. On the contrary, we tend to live as though our lives would go on forever.’” (pg 38)

How would my life look if I lived like there’s no tomorrow? How would your life look?

I’m quite sure my life doesn’t look like I live that way. I think looking back, it’s much easier to say what I’d do differently if I lived that way. Decisions that made sense at the time (such as buying a house that NEEDS to be renovated), don’t make much sense when it comes to living like there’s no tomorrow. While I enjoy home renovation to a degree, it’s also a huge source of stress in my already busy life. It’s a necessary evil (because we’re already in the midst of it and can’t simply abandon ship) that takes me away from quality family time.

I know there are other aspects of my life that probably need to be considered and re-evaluated. Is their purpose to further God or to further myself? And if their purpose is to further myself…am I honoring and following God in their pursuit? While I do intend to always seek His will and certainly follow it – it’s also something that I need to make sure I consciously do. With every decision. “He must become greater. I must become less.” (John 3:30). That’s certainly not to say we can’t be successful – but our approach must always be to make God greater in the process. It is only through Him that we can have success – and our treasures must be in heaven, not on earth (Matthew 6:19-20).

*****

“I used to believe that in this world there are two kinds of people: natural worriers and naturally joyful people.” (pg 39)

So which are you? Are you naturally a worrier? Or are you naturally joyful? And why?

I used to believe I’m naturally a joyful person. And I do believe that happiness is a choice – at least generically speaking. However, as I mentioned above, I’ve felt a lot more pressure during these past 3 years, and I daresay I’m also a bit of a natural worrier. And my joy, while still there, sometimes takes more effort than it used to. I need to take very seriously the command in Philippians 4:4, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”

I’ve been very convicted recently about my complaining attitude, and the fact that I haven’t been “counting it all joy” (James 1:2). I hear about other people’s lives who are so burdened and full of strife, and wonder why I’m complaining about my own measly troubles. I know that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others – but in some regards, it does help to put my stress into perspective. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting a proverbial kick in the tail and the command to, “Buck up,” or “get over it.” And in a way, it is the message, “Get over yourself,” that does resonate. That’s part of the beauty of serving – at your church or anywhere really – in serving, you’re able to humble yourself and put life in perspective. You’re able to be a part of something larger than yourself and really get a taste of life to realize that it’s truly not about you.

“When I am consumed by my problems – stressed out about my life, my family, and my job – I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God’s command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a “right” to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.” (pg 39)

Wow – that hit me like a ton of bricks. I know that I allow my stresses to consume me. And that’s not to say I’m stressed out about bad things – my biggest stress is balance and a desire to serve God and my family as He would have me serve. However, it’s my attitude that is convicting. I allow that desire to serve and balance my life to consume me in such a negative stressful way, that I don’t allow God to work in me. I need to give Him control, and more importantly, I need to bend to His will, instead of trying to serve on my own terms.

“The point of your life is to point to Him.” (pg 42)

Am I?

*****

“Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives. Stress says that things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. [cut] Both worry and stress reek of arrogance.” (pg 40)

My mother in law’s favorite verse (or one of them) is Matthew 6:34 KJV, “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” In other translations, “evil” is written as “worry.” But with those two different translations – I think it’s clear how worry can be viewed – it’s equated to evil!

The statements above from page 40 really made me think. I know that I worry, and I know that I stress. However, I didn’t ever think that I doubted God’s power or love. It was definitely an eye opening way to consider stress and worry.

A statement I felt really summarized the chapter well is, “It doesn’t really matter what place you find yourself in right now. Your part is to bring him glory.” It is, after all, completely about God.